Weekend away~

We are off this weekend to a board meeting...I will presenting the budget that I must become more acquainted with before Saturday. I must say that my head and heart are not in this right now...my grandma continues to not be herself~ Not that I can blame her with all that she has been through and continues to endure. In the grand scheme of things I can keep asking myself why I do the things I do...I know that I have felt called to serve in various areas...and God has opened the doors but I suppose I am feeling just a little worn out...the hospital can do that to you..and the back and forth and now seeing grandma it is just leaving me depleted~ I still need to pack and run errands and of course check in on grandma...Pray on her and let her know I will be back on Sunday~ I know that although she is not speaking that she can hear me as she will respond with appropriate nodding and even smiles~ I miss our communication...I pray the Lord would heal her...So to say that my heart in not in this meeting is an understatement but I know that I need to follow through this is something that needs to get done that way we can continue with being able to help people. Tom and Austin and Gabby and I will drive up at some point tomorrow..Amanda is already there keeping Stephanie company and trying to minister to her~ We will be meeting up and seeing Amanda before she leaves for Kansas city on Saturday and then she will be back on Tuesday. So off we go for our weekend..I am hoping that this will at least give Tom some time with the kids before he leaves for trucking school on Monday. They will really miss their dad if only for a the week~

Believing!

I believe that the Lord will heal grandma and restore her...I believe the Lord has allowed her to live for a reason...I believe that He allowed her to put Tom and I in charge of her care~ I believe without a doubt that He will give me the physical and emotional strength to do what is right for her ...I spent the morning and afternoon at her nursing facility making arrangements for her care...she has been classified as failure to thrive. This is so very serious....all due to poor medical care from a doctor who didn't care...But! I now have a wonderful doctor for her that will do whatever it takes to make her comfortable and happy~ Grandma is still choosing to remain silent because she is upset from the transfer yesterday...I couldn't be with her as we were away and on our way home....I spent time with her today cleaning her room ...organizing her photos and keeping her company...I have her praise music playing continuous as it seems to help her..and when she was speaking she asked to have it on~ She must be on the feeding pump 24/7 to get her caught up nutritionally....don't know how long this may take...no one knows for sure...I will go and see her at some point tomorrow as I must babysit half the day tomorrow...the munchkins will be here....I want them to visit her but I think it might be best when she is more stable and awake...This is so hard...as I didn't envision this for grandma..she always wanting to talk and to know that she won't or can't communicate right now is too much~ I know that I must remain positive and trust the Lord...I suppose I am just tired from the whirlwind of the past several weeks~

PSALM 40

I WAITED PATIENTLY FOR THE LORD TO HELP ME
AND HE TURNED T ME AND HEARD MY CRY
HE LIFTED ME OUT OF THE PIT OF DESPAIR.

OUT OF THE MUD AND THE MIRE
HE SET MY FEET ON SOLID GROUND
AND STEADIED AS I WALKED ALONG.

HE HAS GIVEN ME A NEW SONG TO SING
A HYMN OF PRAISE TO MY GOD.

MANY WILL SEE WHAT THE LORD HAS DONE
AND BE AMAZED.
THEY WILL PUT THEIR TRUST IN THE LORD.

Deception

My Amanda has a dear friend who has been deceived by a very slick, worldly man~ She thinks she can change him...his has taken control of her body , mind and soul~ She needs prayer! She needs to know that God's ways are always without harm, without lies, without compromise~ Her mother and father's hearts are grieving for their daughter....We are all standing for her very soul, her very life before the Lord...We are asking Him to hear the cry of our hearts before Him...We are asking for her protection and for her to be released from this lie that has enveloped her...The devil roams around seeking whom he can devour and he is trying with all his might to break this Christian family apart..Pray with me for Stephanie that the Lord would intervene and that Stephanie would choose God's path over man's~

Godly heritage~

My grandma is such a woman of God~ She has always encouraged me in the big and small...She has been a rock too me when I had no one...She has prayed with me and for me~ She loves the Lord and His ways....What a legacy she has given me and my children ~ Tomorrow at 2:30 she will be having the surgery to have a feeding tube put in her stomach ....we are very happy that it will no longer be in her nose..this is very uncomfortable and has caused her a great deal of pain..so this is a blessing. I pray the the Lord would guide the surgeons hands and that she would recover well and that this would assist her in her nutritional needs as she cannot eat enough by mouth....although tonight when I showed up with a strawberry sundae she ate the whole thing and had another strawberry ice cream as well... along with milk! Praise God!! God is good...she is slowly but surely recovering and she has worth and value in not only the Lord's eyes but to those who love her as well~ I have been playing Christian music for her and reading her the Psalms and it seems to be helping in her recovery...she is moving her fingers and feet to the music and even brushed her hair and stood for a while today! Progress...we are all a work in progress ...I think it would do well for those who question her care to remember this...

Blessings~

God's care for us is simply amazing~ His provision is perfect and always on time....Just when Tom and I think Lord we need you to see us through...He does! I got a phone call from Tom yesterday as I sat here with Grandma ...a very excited phone call~ he had gotten the mail and lo and behold there was a check from social security for me...we had no idea that I had been approved~ last I heard Senator Nelson's office was following up~ well, the amount was based upon what I made when I was working for our business...needless to say what an absolute complete blessing! We can pay our monthly bills and get a bed! We have been sleeping on a very uncomfortable futon...and it may seem silly but I have been praying the Lord would supply us with a bed~ The Lord's provision is always on time....we can get things we need....we can take a breath....Wow! Thank you Jesus for all you have done in our lives....we are a living testimony to God's goodness...His love for His people is something which I am so grateful for~ Grandma continues to heal...her vitals are good and today she is resting and sleeping. We continue to pray for her complete healing and we pray that the Lord gives the doctors the knowledge to know how to care for her....I pray that she would be a living testimony to those who may doubt that she will be healed and that would give the honor and praise and glory to God. She has a love for the Lord that she wears about her...she always took care of those around her and had a heart of hospitality that passed on to those around her~ She was there for me throughout the years when my children were little helping every step of the way...through many moves it was grandma that helped me even after her first several strokes...it was grandma who gave me godly advice on married life...she taught me how to cook and influenced me in ways that I am forever grateful for....I pray the Lord's healing hand be upon her and that He sends His angels to minister to her~ We love you grandma!

Decisions~

When I think I can't be shocked....well~ I am...and yet I shouldn't be because the world has it's view of how things should be done and God has His way..and God's people "should" be following the Lord's ways....Right?
Grandma is not doing well...but she has had a stroke and is suffering from complications of a stroke...so she is having memory issues....she has a weak left side and she cannot swallow...all things that will improve with physical therapy~ and Yet...I am dealing with people who would have me starve her so that she can die "peacefully"~ She had to have a feeding tube put in...because she cannot swallow....so she needs nutrition in order to recover....acceptable measure to insure that she improves and becomes healthy again...and yet....these "people" would have me with hold food...because they find it an extraordinary measure....I am praying for wisdom....I am praying that as I travel this week Grandma improves before I leave....I am praying for her recovery! A woman that loves the Lord with all her heart...a woman that always took care of everyone...Someone that I promised I would make sure was taken care of ....no matter what I will not let her down~ I know that if my grandfather were still alive today he would be outraged by this "unchristian" attitude towards life....I believe that God will give me the fortitude to stand for what is right.

What a week~

What a week! And that is an understatement....Monday morning I got a call that Grandma was not well~ I had put a phone call several weeks ago into her doctor to see if he would run some tests because we felt like something was not right...he was very condescending. So I had decided that when I got home we would change doctors as I am her POA....but of course I ended up in the hospital and sick for several weeks and that went on the back burner. So she started to decline...we were told she had the flu and of course I couldn't visit with all the meds I am on...by Monday evening she was in the hospital~ She should have been admitted on Sunday but when the nursing home called the "doctor"...he refused to admit her even after they told him they believed she was suffering a stroke...."Malpractice"?! I will be filing a complaint with the medical board. Grandma meanwhile is on a feeding tube because she cannot swallow...it is so uncomfortable that she has pulled it out three times...I need wisdom...and we need favor in order to get this doctor to be held accountable. I haven't seen her this sick in a very long time...it is heartbreaking and I need to sign for surgery to put a tube in her stomach on Monday and than Tuesday I leave for a board meeting for five days~ I need strength...I have been running all week and I am tired and feeling a great deal of pain....I am at my brother's house-sitting this weekend...Which is a blessing! I have an actual bed to sleep in because we have had to use a futon at home for the past several months due to not being able to buy one due to Tom's employment situation...so this is like a mini-vacation....and he has a pool....so the Lord has been merciful...I just need to regroup before Monday. The week ahead holds so much to do..and yet I know as I type God has not failed me yet and continues day by day to give what is needed...So I take my requests before Him and leave them at His feet~

God is Amazing!

His mercies are new every morning~ They are indeed! Great is thy faithfulness!



Sent my Gabby out to the mailbox this morning to find a card of encouragement from a dear friend....Well, guess I should back-track just a bit~ Had a phone call last week and my friend wanted to know if she could perhaps help us out by letting our community of homeschooler's know that we could use a bit of help due to my health and the medical bills that I have incurred and than with Tom's unemployment...well...you can imagine~ I had shared with her that I have always been an extremely private person but the Lord is definitely showing me that we all could use help and that I have to learn how to accept help...in the past I have always been the one to give it but accepting is a very hard thing for me....so I had shared that of course if people felt led by the Lord I would be most thankful...So jump to this morning and I get a card from her but not only a card but a five hundred dollar check for medical expenses! What an absolute blessing~ You see...I have to go to my rheumatologist and he is not covered and so each time it is one hundred and sixty-five dollars....I have missed many an appointment since Tom lost his job because we just have not had the money...But! Now I can go....God is amazing...each time I think... what are we going to do...each time I think I can't go another step...each time I feel weary and worn and completely overwhelmed...The Lord is there providing emotional and financial support....this season I am in is uncomfortable and yet I am learning that I must completely trust Him for everything and in doing this He has not failed our family~ We have a roof, and food that is plentiful , and a wonderful church family and friends that truly practice what they preach...We are blessed beyond belief~

Home~

The Lord brought Tom home safely yesterday~ through plenty of traffic and rain safely...God heard our prayers~ He did very well and will go back for one last week of driving school within the next two weeks..and than we will see where the Lord will put him. We know that He has a plan ...His perfect plan for a job for Tom..a home for our family..We need to keep our focus on the Lord and He will give us what we need~ We spent our Saturday night at church ..it was a wonderful encouraging sermon on our nations "Christian roots"....because no matter what the president says...WE ARE NOT A SECULAR NATION! OUR NATION WAS FOUNDED ON GOD BY MEN OF GOD! It is really the time for believers to rise up and stand for what is true and right...It is time for us to begin to intercede for our nation~ Let us not become so jaded and apathetic that we simply ignore the state of those around us...This could very well become the defining moment for not just our country but for our families as well as they look at us and how we respond .....what are we doing to instill our faith in our children? what do our lives say about us? Are we so busy trying to attain things that we've lost track of what's important...Are we loving and kind to our neighbor...our families...our friends...? Do our actions speak of Christs love? Life is too short to waste it by just getting by....I want to live the way God wants me to~ I want to respond in Christian love to those around me...I need to remember that people are watching...and even more than that...God is watching.

"THE SMILES OF HEAVEN CAN NEVER BE EXPECTED ON A NATION
THAT DISREGARDS THE ETERNAL RULES OF ORDER AND RIGHT, WHICH HEAVEN ITSELF HAS ORDAINED."
George Washington, Prayer at Valley Forge

Couch day~

Today is one of those....a couch day~ Last night was my treatment night and although I am praising God that I am not experiencing the side effects I have in the past...I am still feeling wiped out today. So I sit...and will spend the day resting until I take Amanda to choir practice tonight. Heard from Tom this morning and we are still not sure if he will have to spend an extra week at school or not..time will tell. He passed two tests today and failed two~ This is has been extremely hard for him as they really should have had him come in a week early to review but it is what it is and we need to just trust that the Lord will provide financially if he needs to stay the extra week. The kids are missing him and wondering where he'll end up with a job. I have to say that although I would like to stay local because of my dad's health...I am open...really open to whatever and wherever God puts us...We so need to simply be in His will~ I am ready for some peace of mind...some down time to not have to worry how we're going to provide for our family. It hasn't been an easy couple of days~ Just feeling physically tired and full of pain. There have been some very joyful moments though....I spent the day yesterday with Gabby, Emily and Haley making clay and projects...the girls always seem to cheer me up. I think I just need to rest and regroup~

Psalm 25:1-2
O Lord, I give my life to you.
I trust in you, my God!