It's not easy grieving~

I am sure that many of you may have believed that I have fallen off  somewhere~  Well I am still here; I assure you.  Life has hit me pretty hard as of late...my dearest grandma passed away.  As I sit here writing to you all it still seems so surreal...like I am going to awake from a bad dream.  I am walking through my grief...and it surely is a process.  One moment I am fine and the next I find myself thinking I need to go check on grandma~  I need to go and get grandma her things...and than I realize she is no longer here...Dear friends~  I implore you to treasure those you love...don't take the little things for granted~  because it could very well be the last time you say goodnight or goodbye.  It might be the last kiss or hug and life really is too short to let those you love not know it.  I had started to see a decline in her several months ago...and I knew~  I really knew and yet I did not want to go there in my mind..didn't want to think about not having my confidant..my friend..my life without her in it.  We lost my cousin about a month or so ago and that is when grandma started to really decline but just when we thought that this was it..she rallied...really rallied.  Nine days ago I got a phone call from one very devoted nurse who loved grandma just as if she was her own and  I could tell in her voice~  I spent the next four days at grandma's bedside talking and singing and praying with her...for the first two days she could communicate with me and than she lost her voice...she never spoke again but this didn't deter me not one bit....I continued to talk to her and take care of her~  but I could see she was tired..so tired.  I told her I understood and that it was ok to want to go home to the Lord and to my grandpa.  I told her that he was waiting for her and that I would be with her till the end that I would not leave her....I thanked her for her example to me...for loving me unconditionally...for being such a prayer warrior...for loving the Lord so~  I thanked her for her life.  I kept my word; I was with her till the end.  The last half hour I was reading hymns to her and scripture and than she peacefully took her last breath and went to be with the Lord...never have I been with someone when they have died but all I can tell you is that the presence of the Lord in that room was felt by me in a great way.  The look of peace on her face was incredible.  I miss her so~  I know that she is with the Lord...I know it was her time...all these things I understand but I miss her so~  I have planned a beautiful memorial for her to celebrate her life...this has not been easy but the Lord is walking me through it just like He always walked with grandma~