Saturday, January 22, 2011
Changes are difficult~ just plain hard.....we've had a great deal of changes around here as of late~ I've lost my grandma....my father...our home...our business...it seems at times overwhelming. There are times when I think I just cannot keep on keeping on but I do~ for the sake of my family. I thank the Lord for strength during those times~ I thank my friends for praying...because I so need it~ We are in our new home..boxes everywhere..waiting for me to unpack them. So many changes~ Austin now has a room at mom's across the way. I miss falling asleep knowing my children are under one roof. I can only hope that is temporary...that in time we will once again be under one roof. I miss him coming into my room late at night when he can't sleep and talking my ear off about his games and stories he is writing. So many changes~ that I am finding it hard to get used too~ I pray that Tom will find work..I pray each and everyday for my children and family...but I am so tired~ mentally, emotionally and spiritually....that at times I cannot see anything giving way...to my life settling down and becoming "normal" again. Each day I rise and do what needs to be done with God's grace but I so miss the joy I used to have~
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Grieving is a process that I am finding to be hard~ each person does it in their own way. Many in the family have found destructive ways to grieve...it is very sad because I know that my father would not approve. Sadly; there are those who seem to think we should just move along...just forget and suppress our feelings. I am not one of them. I think of my father throughout the day~ and I miss him terribly but I remind myself that he is healthy again~ and that makes me happy to think of him...walking again and healthy again and with my grandparents. God's mercies to those of us who "believe" are evident in the little and the big. I am so thankful to be reminded that God loves us and is interested in all aspects of our lives. I spent the past eight days with Gabby, our youngest at the hospital. She woke up last Saturday with horrible pain and just like we thought it was her appendix...the doctor took it out and it not only ruptured but also caused and very bad infection in the incision. She was on very strong antibiotics...four of them! for these past eight days. God is good though~ the medications worked and now she is resting comfortably. Many wonder how I keep going..and I can tell you simply it is the grace of God. Pure and simple..without my Lord I would not be able to get up some days...My Lord is amazing~ He takes me through each and everyday; no matter what it might hold.