April 2~

Yesterday was a difficult day~ it would have been my parents 44th wedding anniversary...I spent the day running and running some more at work but it still was difficult.  I don't know~  been missing my dad so much lately...he has been in my thoughts...my dreams..very difficult knowing that I will not be seeing him everyday like days past.  He was our families rock..the one we went to for advice..the one we shared so many things with~  I know in my heart of hearts that he is no longer suffering and whole again but!  it is so hard...and some days are better than others.  Seeing how some in the family have reacted to his death has been a little disconcerting...that some of my siblings can't see to help my mother is beyond me but I suppose having a "Christian" worldview and is what is the influencing factor in how I live and how my parents taught me to live and  I am trying to remember that my brothers don't have this~  I know that God is still in control and will take care of my mom and is giving her the strength she needs..and I suppose that there will always be a missing piece in our family that only dad could fill~  I am thankful for the memories and I am so very thankful for all the time that my children had with him.  He was able to influence in many positive ways and I do believe that they will take this with them throughout their lives.