Emotions~

This weekend has been such a roller coaster of emotions~ My dad is not doing well...and if I stop and let myself think....I am having a hard time letting go of someone I adore...someone I am just not ready to let go. I know this sounds terribly selfish...it is something I am really struggling with because I know he is in pain ...physically and emotionally...he is not himself~ and I find myself asking the Lord...where are you?! I know He is there..don't get me wrong but my heart is breaking...not just because I will miss him dearly but I stop ...if I allow myself and think...and think about my mom....my children and ask myself ..how will the Lord ever be able to use me to comfort them..when I can't stop crying over the thought of not having my dad around to talk with ...and to joke with and to just visit with~ My children are asking the Lord for a miracle..they have such faith ...a faith that I cannot find right now..a faith that I am lacking today. My dad has become very quiet ...he was always a shy man but not with his family...with his family..he had strength..strength of convictions..a man of true integrity..a man who is generous..and now he sits in the quiet..seeming to wait for the Lord to call him home..

The Holidays~

The holidays have come and gone~ wow...it just seemed to creep up on me and now its time to recuperate. I had planned on having a very quiet night and we were going to stay in but mom seemed so blue with dad in bed and her and my aunt being all alone...so we all changed from our pj's and off we went to spread the last of the holiday cheer. We had dessert together and than my dad was able to get up at eleven to wait until the New Year. This time of year has always been a very big deal for my parents~ lots of family gatherings and always a New Years party...but times have changed and last night it was just us and the kids. My father has changed a great deal in the last several weeks...he has really begun to give up on life and it is very hard to see. The kids did seem to cheer him up a bit..they actually got him to play wii with them. I am hoping and praying the New Year will bring Tom a full-time job and us a permanent home...and a great deal of health for everyone. We have been blessed with a beautiful new baby in the family. Summer Elizabeth Ann and I am so thankful that this new niece is healthy after her emergency arrival. Grandma continues to slip away but there are at times glimpses and I suppose I need to accept this but I miss her so~ I know that the Lord will continue to shower us with His love and grace.