Happy Birthday Dad~

In thirty minutes it will be dad's birthday....sitting recalling so many memories~  He gave me many things...none of them that I hold dear were anything material...nothing I can hold or look at...but many that I have in my heart.  He gave me a strong sense of right and wrong.....he gave me a compassion for others...dad gave me a sense of duty...he taught me what a man of integrity looked like and he lived daily doing unto others...for all these things I thank him.  He helped shape me into the person that I have become and made me the parent that I am today.  He taught me how to listen and how to have patience....He gave me a strong faith in the Lord and lived it out for others around him to see.  Even in the end when he was in constant pain; he never complained.  He would make jokes about his condition...about his amputation....to put us at ease.  He would tell us that he didn't blame God for any of his ailments...and he told everyone in those last days what a "blessed man" he was.....but really it was those that knew him that were blessed by him.  I will always carry you in my heart and love you....

Family Time~

Spent the afternoon with my titi(auntie) Eva today.  It was good to see her...as we had not seen each other for some months.  Titi Eva is my grandmother's sister...the last one as all the sister's have passed on but her~   it was good to catch up.  My children adore her..she is such a hoot!  She is loud and boisterous and funny and unbelievably loving.  We also had my titi Sylvia~ dad's sister along with us.  It was a really nice afternoon and of course she had cooked..my kids love her rice and gandules...a special Spanish dish.  My kids thinks hers is the best!  She used to love to tell my grandma this....it was always a competition between them.  Memories...my goodness we have been reliving a lot of them lately.  I suppose its our way of keeping our loved ones with us although they are no longer with us.  Tomorrow Mandy lives with titi bright and early.  We will be at the airport before five in the morning.  Tom has taken the day off to go with me and see them off..five weeks~ not so sure it will fly by.  I am so thankful though that titi is doing this very special trip for Mandy's graduation.  Tom and I were not able to do anything major to help her celebrate; so this is a very big blessing.  I know she will be in good hands and that she will have a wonderful time with her cousins.  So off she goes~ just the beginning ; I am sure.  I am sure Tom and  I will spend the day recouping from getting up so early~ and than I plan to spend sometime with Gabby and Austie....the kids and I are planning pool and beach days to pass the time and get Austie the vitamin D he needs....doctor's orders~ not a bad prescription.  He is now on day three of taking Predisone...it is a low dose so I am not going to worry~ he needs it to help the inflammation and pain and I am sure that it will help his fatigue as well.  One day at a time...one step at a time....I am going to try to remind myself of this on a daily basis.  Today I opened my bible and read: 
Proverbs 3:6
Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
Very timely I thought and that is just what I plan to do~

Fatherly Advice~

Spent the day home today~ have had and awful migraine for the past several days...missed church..something I hate to do~ but found the energy to do laundry and cook.  Roasted the leg of lamb we've had in the freezer for sometime...I have put off cooking it because dad had gotten it for me to cook for all of us.  Never thought it would be difficult  to cook a roast...but it had to be cooked soon and I did it!  Everyone enjoyed it and talked about dad through dinner....does it get any easier?!  I miss him so much..daily...it has been so difficult lately and his birthday is on Wednesday.  Last year at this time he was preparing for his amputation and wondering if he would make it through~  he did and we were able to have more time with him...but it really is never really enough.  So many things on a daily basis I would like to talk with him about..every time I make a dish I know he would enjoy or when we watch a movie or a show or do something we want to tell him....or when we could use some of his advice...its so difficult to know he is not here.  Yesterday was one of those days when I wanted to talk to him about Austie's test results....my son has an autoimmune disease..more than likely Lupus...I am devastated...because I know the pain he is in and it breaks my heart...he needs to see a specialist and I am praying that we will get the referral we need to the University of Miami's children's hospital.   I want him to experience life...life that a sixteen year old should be living.  We so need Tom to get a good job with good health insurance ...the kind we had when he had the business.  So many complications due to his employment situation...I just continue to pray that the Lord will give my husband the job he needs.  So this all brought up dad and my missing him incredibly.  Time...it all takes time~

Thursday evening~

Amanda is all packed~ my....don't know what I am going to do without her for five weeks!  I know that she is excited and can't wait to get away and on with her graduation trip~  Austin and Gabby I am sure would have loved to have gone also but both hate to fly and don't like being away from home and mom for that long...so I will have to come up with some fun things to do while she is gone.  The weather has been really unpredictable as of late here...Rain has been a constant...Gabs says if she wanted this much rain she would move to Seattle..and she doesn't understand how anyone could live in those conditions without being depressed.  My Gabby has always had a flair for the dramatic.  She has some great things to look forward to next week ...party with her life group and choir weekend.  I am thankful that she has gotten involved.  I am praying that Austin can find a friend that he has things in common with and could really develop a friendship.   Austin has gotten to be a real loner especially since dad's passing.  He is my sensitive one who takes so much on; he lays in bed at night thinking~  We all could use some levity in our lives.  Tom is still waiting to hear from Miami about the position here...so we wait and pray.  I am praying that the Lord would give my husband a job that he enjoys ...that will use all the skills that are going to waste at his present job at the dealership.  Took my aunt to the doc today to have the stitches looked at from the surgery and they said that it is healing incredibly well...especially since she still has not given up smoking.  She tells me it is the hardest thing she has ever done..just praying she completely quits soon.  I know the stress of losing dad and grandma has a great deal to do with having started smoking so much.  She treated me to breakfast after the appointment ...very nice.  I am hoping that when she gets home from the trip with Mandy that she will start to get out more...hoping that she doesn't lose her hair from the radiation.  Austin has his follow-up tomorrow with the doctor.  I am hoping that we will get some answers to all this fatigue and pain he is experiencing.  I am praying that he doesn't have Lupus.  I am planning on asking for a referral for further testing.  I just want him to feel happy and healthy like any sixteen year old should.  Mom broke up with her boyfriend after speaking with her brothers....very thankful for this as he didn't treat her as well as he should have.  I know she is just lonely and very uncertain about what she will do...Thankfully; she has a very good girlfriend that has continued to keep her busy.  This has been an answer to prayer.  Now we are praying that she can find a full-time job.  I am regrouping after my retail "adventure"....I will be back working at the end of August at church...and of course schooling the kids...taking care of the house ...and our family.  I am praying about applying for another position at church that is available.  It is still part-time but 20-25 hours  and this would be perfect for me.  Just feeling a little up in the air right now with all the changes~  Tom had to go to our old house to pick up a package that was delivered there incorrectly last week...that was very hard.  He said there are college girls living in my old home....knowing that was a difficult pill to swallow.  He had completely built a gourmet kitchen for me to cook in and all the little touches that we had done specially put in with love for our family.  Felt like it is an end to a dream...but I rebounded after the week....so much...so very much..I keep asking the Lord why?!  I will let you all know when he answers~ so I continue to hang in and hold on...because really is there any other choice?  Just taking it one moment at a time because really that is all I can do~ and that's ok.

Good to be back~

It's good to be back~ I have been without my own computer for months now...so I have been using Austin's.  Thank you to my kind teenage son for allowing his mother to use his computer but it is so good to have my own back again!  So here's hoping to joining the online community again.  Last I had the opportunity to post I had a new job....well~ it lasted all of a minute....I got up bright and early...five thirty comes very early...got to work to find hospice sitting vigil awaiting Robin's grandma's imminent departure from this this life to the next.  So I wait till August to start back at church.  My aunt's surgery went very well.  The  doctor was able to remove the mass and no other Cancer was found.  For this I praise God~  she will have to undergo six weeks of radiation when she gets home from her trip to California.  Tom awaits the meeting sometime in August for his final interview.  And so we wait and pray....Mandy has graduated from high school.  She is taking the Summer off to regroup and pray and study.  She'll be away for five weeks to visit family in California.  The trip was given to her by my aunt for her graduation.  I am hoping to be able to spend some special time with Gabby and Austin.  Hoping to make some memories~  tonight is Tom's memory making evening as he and Gabby watch old classic horror movies....the ones that came before all the gore and evil that they have in movies today.  So tonight it's the old Mummy and the like~ I am off to the store to get them special snacks....what a movie night without snacks~