Little things~

God cares about the little things~ No matter how tiny or seemingly insignificant. I am always telling my kids that....He cares! Well, last March when the business started to go south...and we were struggling to make payroll there was nothing left to do but to start to rid ourselves of anything of value. So we bit the bullet and sold every last stitch of my jewelery that Tom had gotten me through the years...and it was quite a nice collection..My husband is a generous man and had made for me the most beautiful engagement ring that he had designed himself. Well, as of late it may seem so very silly but I miss that ring...and maybe it is not so much the ring but the whole story behind it~ So , I have really tried not to even think about it...On Mother's day I was blessed by my aunt with a gift card..so I asked Tom to take me to Kolhs..I walk into the ladies Jewelery section and he walks into the shoes...Long story short I find a ring that looks just like the one he had designed o' so many years ago~ Now mind you it isn't the real thing But it looks like it...I showed it to him and he couldn't believe it~ Anyhow, sixteen dollars later and I am smiling because God cares about even the what may seem like the silliest things~ And I can look at this pretty piece of jewelry and think of my husband and the past, present and our future as he is away for three weeks at school and potentially for a very long time...once he is out on the road. God cares...little , big , small, silly, serious...doesn't matter we matter to Him~ He hears us and we need to remember that when we think He's not listening because He is~

Amazing~

Our God is amazing! The Lord has been so wonderful to our family during this most difficult time~ He has restored our family....I had been praying so very hard that God would move in this...and He in all His mercy has~ We spent Mothers Day evening with our extended family at my dad and moms home..my father is no longer mobile as his illness continues to ravage his body. I am so very saddened that we have not been with him this last year and really have had to give this over to the Lord. But we are together now and I am determined to make every effort to spend time with him. I am praying for a miracle ~ I am praying for Gods mercy on him...that the Lord would heal him ...that his operation will be successful so that the port in his arm will work for the dialysis and that his kidney would start to process again so that all the toxins will go out of his body and he will be restored! He is to the point where he is finding it difficult to even sit for any prolonged period of time and it is breaking my heart to see him in such horrible pain~ He is even finding it hard to visit with the grandchildren...something that lifts his spirits...So I take it before the Lord and pray with all my might! My brothers and I are once again speaking and little brother and Tom are once again speaking ....which is a miracle in itself and such an answer to prayer~ Tom is preparing to leave on Monday and is packing and continuing to get the house in order...I believe he has a sense of relief knowing that we are not going to be alone and that we have help now~ I spent all of late Sunday night and Monday in the hospital due to a horrible flare. Thought I was having a heartache....but after many tests they determined that it was my Lupus~ Big answer to prayer as today we were approved for complete health care through the state until Tom finds employment....This means that I can go to the doctor and get my medications...which will keep me out of the hospital~ The kids seem to have such a sense of relief now that the family is once again in our lives and we in theirs~ Amanda had her very first driving lesson today! I cannot believe it ....Where does the time go?! Little brother took her in his jumbo size suv and she did very well he said....so tomorrow off she will go again to practice. This is such a blessing because with Tom away this will be a big help should I need her to drive me around town...not to mention what it will do for her self-esteem. Austie and Tom are off at church tonight by themselves...because Gabby is down with a stomach bug and Amanda is visiting with Papa and Mum Mum. Tom and Austie will be helping Juan tonight as they gather food for the churches ministries...so I am sure we will getting Chicken , bread and pastries tonight~ We are blessed. We may not know what lies around the next corner but I firmly believe that God will see us through...He will continue to give us what we need ..when we need it and He will continue to restore our family so that we might glorify His name.

We need to remember to trust in the Lord and not to lean on our own understanding~

Forgiveness~ Part 2

Well~ The Lord is really growing me and wanting to stretch me in ways that are impossible without His grace covering me....My father is dying and he is wanting to leave this earth with his family reconciled ~ It has been in fragments ever since my brother left his wife and my little brothers bad business dealings with us...But we have been asked to push this to the side because we are older, more mature and "Christians"....isn't it hard when someone throws out "Christian"~ It is for me ...especially when it requires me to do something that without the Lord ; I would otherwise never, ever be able to do! I have sought counsel from wise Christian friends...I have sought counsel from our church and of course have prayed and sought the Lord in the midst of this situation...and they have all come to the same conclusion..and so have I although it is so far removed from what my "flesh" would do~! I am biting the bullet and honoring my fathers request~ I will make peace with my brothers...I will attend family functions when we can...and I will not reach out and touch my brothers mistress/girlfriend should she be there.....Wow~ This is not going to be easy...it is going to be one of the hardest things that I am going to do...but it is my father and we don't know how long he has~ My pastoral counselor told me that we are called to show the love of Christ....not only to those we feel that deserve it but to everyone....This is a reality check~ this is a teachable moment for my children as they watch me in this mess...This is going to stretch me in ways that I don't want....But! It is something that needs to be done...something that can't be put off...so we stepped right in and called my little brother to set up a meeting....we emailed him a letter of forgiveness towards him and asking his~ Big step but we know we must do this...life is so very short..something I know because of my illness..It is too precious to waste. So away we go! We pray the Lords presence upon the whole situation and that His will be done...We pray that we may be a light to those that don't know Him...We pray that we can instill in our children a love for the Lord and others~ I pray that God would be with us through all the many changes that are up ahead for our family..as Tom prepares to leave..the uncertainty of having to leave our home..the unemployment of each of us...my fathers health...Chris and the children's welfare...my brothers salvation...So many things...lie up ahead~ But I know that if only moment by moment God will give us the strength to get through...He will never leave us or forsake us! Our heavenly Father who knows every hair on our head...every grain of sand on the beach...who never lets the sparrow go hungry....He will take us through~

Forgiveness~

Forgiveness~ Not an easy thing to do...but so very necessary for our Christian walk. We are told that if we don't forgive that we will not be forgiven....I believe that unforgiveness can harbor and grow if we let it.. into roots of bitterness that can forever have an adverse effect on our lives and those around us~ I have been asked to forgive my brothers by my parents...and I have~ But does that mean that I am to fellowship with them when I disagree with the things that they have done...I believe that I could forgive them and pray for them and yet keep a distance~ Even my pastor thought that was the thing to do...but now my father is dying...and he would like to die peacefully knowing that all is now well between his children. I am first and foremost struggling with the fact of my fathers demise in health...knowing that they may before to help him but more than likely he is running on borrowed time and it will really take an act of God to save him....but what do I do? I have a real struggle thinking about being in the same room as my brothers mistress/girlfriend~ and yet I have been asked to put this too the side due to the circumstances..what kind example is this for my children?~ I need the Lords' guidance..I need to seek an answer in prayer... I only want to do and be the person God wants me to be...I always want to serve the Lord and be a good example to my children so this too me is so...very important. I honestly do not think I can do this~ So I will PRAY~

Building~

We build our homes~ It is so important for us as wives and moms to remember this...what are we building? Our words have the ability to bless or to curse~ Are we blessing our family with our attitudes and actions? I have been really thinking about this as of late as we have been going through so many trials and struggles...but~ God has given us great encouragement through friends...through giving of our time to our church family and those around us...during this time..we are finding that if we focus less on ourselves and more on others..We are being blessed~ In so many ways...really the ability to wake up each day and know that God is going to provide..it might seem bleak at times but He continues to amaze in many ways.

A Wise Women Builds Her House~

My fervent prayer is that I am "building" my house~ That my children will really "know" the Lord and His "ways"..That they would serve Him in everything aspect of their lives...and that they would stay on the "straight and narrow"~ When I am feeling overwhelmed...I need to remind myself of this and remember that we cannot control anything but that God knows the outcome..and He is in control!

It was a long and tiresome day yesterday as Tom and I set back out to get health care for me..and it is going to be a difficult road to get any assistance...I actually had a bit of a nervous breakdown as I could not contain my tears sitting there...realizing where we had been in our lives and where we are now...but after having a good cry and realizing that I cannot do anything~ I am better today. We had a wonderful evening with friends celebrating a good friends graduation..it was a time of encouragement and it is always good to know we are not alone in our struggles but that everyone has something in their lives that they are overcoming..the kids had a great time and it was good to reconnect with old friends~ God is good and always provides what we need~