Exhausted~

Feeling emotionally, physically and spiritually spent today. Things here at home are rocky at best~ too much time has passed since Tom has had full-time work and it is beginning to take its toll. Bright note~ We got dad settled into his rehab last night and although he is simply exhausted....the facility and staff is lovely. They will be working with him intensively so we can get him home. Today is dialysis so he will I am sure be completely worn out by the time we get to visit. I am trying to take my life a moment at a time because anymore than that now is too much.

Dad~

Dad is back in the hospital~ it seems as if this is never-ending.....but! Thank God he has had all of his testing redone due to his doctor sending him to another hospital. First he was sent to a horrible rehab where my mother, my brother Phillip and Tom and I did not leave him but brought him home~ the next day he was sent to another rehab...this one was nice but dad was extremely ill so off to the hospital where he is now. Mom and I and Amanda are taking turns staying with him...mom during the day and Amanda and I in the evening until midnight when he gets his bedtime meds and we settle him in and pray and leave him until the next day. This has been a long hard road for my parents..my poor father has no strength and the dialysis is making him extremely fatigued and now he has a chronic bladder infection. I am praying for the Lords mercy and healing upon him....He needs a miracle! My mom needs her husband...we need our father still and my children need their grandfather!

Jeremiah 29:11
Tells us that :
I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are for good and not disaster to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you cry out to me I will listen.

I wrote this down on a piece of paper and put it up in my dads room before I left tonight~ I am believing this for my dad...We as a family are crying out~

Off we go~

My goodness as we get ready to head out to church this evening we are bundling up! Can't believe it...it is never this cold here~ so to say we are unprepared is an understatement. I have crackers for children...native Floridians. They do not like to bundle-up. My son really has nothing in his drawers but shorts ...what an awful mom I am~ He just came downstairs too me with the only pair of jeans he owns...he just does not like long pants. He finds them constricting! It is a high of 42 here today in South Florida and very rainy. What a combo..just like New Jersey in the winter...Yuk! I don't mind the cold but I do not like cold and rain. So here we are searching for something to wear to keep us warm as we head out this evening. My dad continues to be in the hospital. The anxiousness seems to have returned last night as well as stomach issues. We are praying for him that the Lord would just give him a blessed peace in the middle of this storm and for my mother as well~

Update on my dad~

Just received a call from my mom ~ back at the hospital with my dad. He was released the other day...we believe due to Obama-care but thank God his physicians have figured out a way to get around a system that is already changing for those who are chronically ill. God is good~ after my complete melt-down over the weekend I have heard from a dear blogging friend...you know who you are! Thank you for the encouragement and prayer!! I was able to reconnect with some of my parents friends who in turn have reconnected with them..this has been a real blessing too them. To have Gods people pray is what is needed...so at this moment I am holding up...it is a moment by moment thing~

Emotions~

This weekend has been such a roller coaster of emotions~ My dad is not doing well...and if I stop and let myself think....I am having a hard time letting go of someone I adore...someone I am just not ready to let go. I know this sounds terribly selfish...it is something I am really struggling with because I know he is in pain ...physically and emotionally...he is not himself~ and I find myself asking the Lord...where are you?! I know He is there..don't get me wrong but my heart is breaking...not just because I will miss him dearly but I stop ...if I allow myself and think...and think about my mom....my children and ask myself ..how will the Lord ever be able to use me to comfort them..when I can't stop crying over the thought of not having my dad around to talk with ...and to joke with and to just visit with~ My children are asking the Lord for a miracle..they have such faith ...a faith that I cannot find right now..a faith that I am lacking today. My dad has become very quiet ...he was always a shy man but not with his family...with his family..he had strength..strength of convictions..a man of true integrity..a man who is generous..and now he sits in the quiet..seeming to wait for the Lord to call him home..

The Holidays~

The holidays have come and gone~ wow...it just seemed to creep up on me and now its time to recuperate. I had planned on having a very quiet night and we were going to stay in but mom seemed so blue with dad in bed and her and my aunt being all alone...so we all changed from our pj's and off we went to spread the last of the holiday cheer. We had dessert together and than my dad was able to get up at eleven to wait until the New Year. This time of year has always been a very big deal for my parents~ lots of family gatherings and always a New Years party...but times have changed and last night it was just us and the kids. My father has changed a great deal in the last several weeks...he has really begun to give up on life and it is very hard to see. The kids did seem to cheer him up a bit..they actually got him to play wii with them. I am hoping and praying the New Year will bring Tom a full-time job and us a permanent home...and a great deal of health for everyone. We have been blessed with a beautiful new baby in the family. Summer Elizabeth Ann and I am so thankful that this new niece is healthy after her emergency arrival. Grandma continues to slip away but there are at times glimpses and I suppose I need to accept this but I miss her so~ I know that the Lord will continue to shower us with His love and grace.