Titi Eva (Great-Aunt Eva)

It has been a long and difficult week.  Friday my aunt and two cousins gathered at the hospital for my great-aunt's surgery.  It was so much more major than any of us thought~ including the doctor.  What was a major surgery turned into a very major and risky surgery that lasted four hours.  He had to take out four feet of intestine and had to cut her up to her spleen.....he was not expecting her to be as ill as she was~ neither were any of us....she is now in the critical care unit and the recovery has not begun yet~ she now has a fever and may have an infection.  I was called this morning at six to rush to the hospital as the medication made her delusional and she has pulled out all of her tubes and tried to leave the hospital room....no small feet for an eighty-three year old woman.  I got there and she had been strapped to the bed....I removed the straps and was able to calm her down to the point that she was able to stabilize a bit.  It has been a hard day~  my cousin's and I are going to take turns keeping an eye on her...it is touch and go~ and I am praying...very hard.  I want to hear her crazy laugh and her jokes and see that smile again.  So tonight Lord willing she will have a peaceful night ~ I am praying for that.

One Step~

Thank you Lord; I made it through the day!  So happy after not sleeping and waking up with a bit of a flare.  Today was the first day of radiation for my aunt and she was extremely nervous but she got through the treatment and day one.  Tomorrow morning another treatment and than we are off to my great auntie~ while I leave aunt number 1 resting....I am off again with aunt 2 to her doctors appointment for the surgery.  Quite the busy week ahead with appointments throughout the week and than surgery for aunt number 2 on Friday.  Wow~ tired just thinking about it!  I had Tom home for the past two days.....and he was sick!  So disappointed because he had planned on us spending time together.  Seems like with his crazy work schedule and mine we don't get a lot of time to spend together.  Wednesday is our anniversary~ twenty-one years!  I just can't believe it~ it has flown by.  This year is bittersweet with all the changes we had this past year.  Last year my parents had a dinner for us; my dad always remembered and tried to make it special.  Missing him a great deal with the holidays coming.  Yesterday we had a family dinner and his presence was missed by everyone.  I don't know that this will ever get any easier....I suppose it is a matter of time.  I am going to try along with my aunt to plan a couple of days away that way we are not here for Christmas this year.  Just a short getaway to Orlando.  There is a great deal of things we can do and see during Christmas time.  It was a tradition started when the kids were little~ my parents, my grandma and aunt and the kids and Tom and I would all go up to see the Disney Village and all the decorations...so Lord willing that is our goal~ to get the kids out of here and in a happy and fun place.  Things have changed...mom has changed and we just need to adapt and start new traditions with the kids.  I want to transition them as easily as possible~ though I know it won't be easy; it has to be done and we have to move on in some ways~ I know dad would have wanted this and yet it is still so hard.  So we are making plans for Thanksgiving at a cousin's...and birthdays with just the kids...and Christmas away.  One step at a time~

Regret~

The past several days have been spent in regret~ realizing that when we had the chance we should have moved...there is really a lack of jobs here in sunny South Florida but the cost of living just continues to rise.  I am just going to try and regroup~ get my wits about me and try to continue on with the perspective that our God is a God of second chances.  So I will continue to pray and continue to have faith that no matter what the Lord does care about what happens to his children.  I will continue to look for part-time work and Tom will continue to work at the car lot...and life will continue on~

Rainy Day~

It's a rainy day here in sunny South Florida~  made it through the busy day yesterday and spending the day indoors today with all the rain.  Curled up with the pets and Gabs in my room~ a very lazy day...just regrouping from all that has been going on.  Yesterday was busy with two doctors appointment and than errands.   Grandma's sister, my great-aunt is scheduled for a major surgery on October the 28th and dad's sister, my other aunt will be starting radiation on Monday.  In prep for the radiation there needs to be measurements on Friday.  Today is Titi Eva's 84th birthday and tomorrow afternoon we will be going out for an early dinner before I am off to work.  She is very much looking forward to her day tomorrow....she is too much~ spunky as can be no one would say that she is 84!  She made me cry yesterday after her doctor's appointment she told me that my grandma might be with the Lord now but I have her~ and she is there for me.  She is such a strong woman, independent and she has such a wonderfully strong faith in God.  Even with all that has happened to her in life; she is not jaded but continually leans on the Lord.  A good reminder to me; to not give up!  So today it's just me and the Gabber as everyone else is down for the count...good afternoon to spend with my precious girl.

My oh my~

My oh my~ what a busy week it was and it will not be letting up!  So I have spent the weekend lounging...being a couch potato~ saving my strength for what lies ahead.  Tomorrow begins bright an early with my great aunt~ to the surgeon we go...she has been quite sick and has to have surgery....and than back to her home to drop her off....back home to catch my breath~ and than off again to radiation with my aunt for her fitting for the treatments.  Lord willing they will begin her treatments this week.  The interviews for Tom and I went well last week...but we will just wait and see.  My boss at my part-time job has given me quite the work-out with her attitude towards me....praying that she will let up as this is not what I expected from a fellow sister in Christ~ and frankly I am very hurt.  Gabby is quite excited and nervous for her praise team auditions on Thursday night.  I hope and pray it goes well for her~ she has so few things that she really enjoys and singing is at the top of her list.  Amanda has started to study again; hoping that she can get some of her focus back. My Austin is still quite sick~ and we wait to see if we can get him to a doctor.  It has been frustrating as of late because although I am leaning on the Lord....I often wonder ~ When?! and of course Why?!  I just want my son to be healthy and taken care of and for us  to not be able to do take care of him makes us feel horrible.  So waiting....is a really struggle for me.  I am just trying to remain positive and pray and trust some more~  Trust is such a hard thing and I don't know that it gets any easier.  One would think that it would...at least I feel as if it should get easier for me....but it hasn't and I remind myself daily to trust....to remember that I have no control and that God does see what we are going through~  He hasn't dropped us....He doesn't forget our needs...do I understand His timing vs. what seems right to me....absolutely not! but I wait and trust and pray and continue on...because I am called to this life of faith.... and just because I don't get it doesn't mean that He has forgotten me or our families needs, wants, hopes, dreams~  I am reminded that scripture tells us that His timing is perfect and to everything there is a season....that He will never leave us nor forsake....these are God's promises to each and every one  of us....this is what keeps me hopeful.

It's only Tuesday?!

It's only Tuesday and I am tired just thinking about the next several days~ yesterday I went to the oncologist with my aunt; she starts radiation on Friday...the report was very good!  So glad~ she will be on radiation therapy for the next six weeks.  I will be taking Amanda tomorrow to a local college to look into possibly attending classes.  She is struggling with my dad's passing, losing our home and her dad still looking for a good job~ she is floundering and I think that if we can get her excited about the possibilities out there for her than maybe she can overcome this depression.  Tom has an interview tomorrow and I have one on Thursday.  We are not allowing ourselves to become excited anymore about "possibilities"; we are just going to wait and see.  I have been busy working on getting my great-aunt her things back...that is a story in itself.  So needless to say~ I am tired and stressed but I try to look at the bigger picture and take it one day at a time.  I just continue to pray and wait on the Lord.  Lord-willing sometime after Christmas I will have assistance with Austin's medical care so that we can get him to a rheumotologist.  Until than I am trying to just let him get the rest that his body needs~ he is very fatigued and in a great deal of joint pain.  Gabby is keeping busy with church and is looking forward to trying out for the high school praise team.  Time is moving along so very quickly and with the holiday's just around the corner; I am wondering just what we are going to do~ where will we spend it...Tom and I are leaning towards just a very quiet time with the kids and my aunt as I am sure mom will be going to my brother's homes.  I am hoping to locate our fall decorations~ my favorite time of year! I think this just might spread some cheer.  So somewhere between all these appointments this week....I am going to find the time.

Had to share this~

Feeling blue~

Today has been a a bit of a difficult day~  I find myself looking ahead and looking behind; wondering why God has allowed us to be in this place in our lives.  I was always one for planning...my day, the week, the month...vacations, birthdays...and now I am unable to plan anything~ it can be disconcerting.  I never doubt that God is there...never do I have a doubt that he loves our family but I am asking why?  I live by faith..daily and I pray~ I have placed my life...our lives in his hands and I am thankful for his provision for our family through these days~ But...I am asking the Lord for a respite...a time of ease...where we can regroup and restart our lives.  I have to trust the he is listening and that he cares about the little, big and small..that he will give me the strength that I need daily and will lift me up onto my feet again.