Tuesday, April 14, 2009


It's only Tuesday~ And yet I am longing for Sunday....Yes...Sunday. Sunday's are our down time when I don't worry about any sort of schedule..it is my day to do absolutely nothing~ I need to do nothing right now...it has been a hard day. I have a splitting migraine after a visit from my brother...he always means well and yet whenever he visits I am left feeling saddened, defeated and generally out of sorts. He doesn't seem to bring joyful news because he has taken on the chore of bringing me back into the family fold. I am honestly not sure as much as I love and miss them that I want to be a part of this craziness and dysfunction anymore. My father is back in the hospital again and is very ill~ And yet he didn't want me to know and he hasn't asked to see me...So really I am at a loss...what do you do when you find yourself in such a situation?! And to boot the whole extended family has issues with Tom~ It is not as if I am going to choose them over my husband the father of my children...my best friend through good times and bad. I am praying for wisdom...I am praying for guidance and a sense of peace that I do not have by simply picking up and exposing myself to more rejection. Each time it takes a very bad toll on my health and I have a family to raise and guide and love and I can't do that if I am sick~ I am hoping that I can sleep tonight but right now things are not looking good....It is not that I don't believe the Lord is there for our family..because I see His glorious provision almost on a daily basis....It is just that I am feeling weary and worn out....

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