Trust~

Trust in the Lord and lean not unto your own understanding~


I have got to remind myself of this constantly so that I do not despair...God has yet to fail and always shows up right when and where we need. We have been blessed by many this week in so many ways~ We have been encouraged and prayed on and prayed for and even had our van worked on! A friend reminded me today to make sure that the children see me in Gods' word and in prayer and to vigilant about setting the right example especially during this difficult time...and you know I knew that it was a prompting from the Lord because I have allowed myself to grow worn and weary. So I am going to strive to pull myself up by my bootstraps this week and forge on~

Morning Surprise~

Woke up to a nice surprise this morning..Tom making me breakfast. This is a first! He does not cook~ Never has..and I don't mind because I love to cook; always have. Amanda has taught Tom how to make grilled cheese sandwiches and I love grilled cheese and tomatoes...so that is what I got this morning. It was great! The girls have a very busy weekend~ Amanda is off to the Strawberry Festival with the girls along with a concert..Gabby has a birthday party tonight and the horses tomorrow. Austin has set off to help Tom conquer a video game that he is teaching him. We have to get the munchkins today as Chris has her deposition~ Lifting her up in prayer as I know how very unkind my brother can be~ I know that God is in control and if my brother knew the word of God he would know that you cannot mess with God's people~ We've got a busy day ahead of us.

It's Morning~

Ever have one of those mornings where you ask yourself...Are these my children?! I looked at them this morning and I thought they have surely lost their "minds"~ Woke up to a house that looked as if a bomb went off..I have been under the weather for the past couple of weeks and for some reason when this mom is down..the house falls apart~ Literally. So I have tried grounding and I know this may sound nuts but I am having them sit this morning and write...yes, write ~ two hundred time that they will do their chores and listen to mom and dad....they are not loving this~ Oh, well. Sometimes as a parent you must get creative~hahaha We are going to get this family back on track.

Wednesday

Today we all had something.....Everyone had a migraine~ I think it is do in part to the weather we have been having...So the kids did some studies but for the most part it was a down-time day. Tom was off again today and did some brushing up on his studies~ Haily came this morning and Tom took her to school...She is still recuperating from a cold and was very tired~~ I know that if I had given her a blankie and a pillow she would have been fast asleep. The kids and Tom are at church tonight. The kids have their life-groups and Tom is waiting for them..hopefully he will have time to visit with friends~ I will be taking over Gabby's group next week and I hope and pray that I can take the girls under my wing and get them to pay attention and learn and to make friendships and stop being so "me" centered~ I will have girls from a variety of backgrounds...some rich, some struggling ..some even living in group homes and than my Gabby~ I will need to find a balance to instill the Love of the Lord in these girls. Austie seems to like his group and I am hoping that he will make some friends and come out of his shell~ He is a wonderful little man and has such a heart..I would like to see him have a good friend that would be company for him. Amanda doesn't have choir tonight so she is able to participate in her group..her leader is great and the group of girls are so nice~ She has made many friends...I am hoping and praying that when we do move that we can do so over somewhere by our church..As the kids are getting older they have many activities at church~ That is their social setting and I would like to make it easy for them...we have been through so much that I know we need to keep our support system intact. We have been blessed by Juan again! Our van is in desperate need of some repairs and he has found us a mechanic that will do the repairs for free because we donate so much of our time at church~ What a blessing! We need to keep that van running....and thank God it will be paid off in the next several months...so one less car payment. Yea! Well, the house is quiet and I think I am going to take advantage of it~ I am off to read.

Big Surprise~

Just when I think that things could not get worse....Tom's hours have been cut...he is only working twelve hours this week~ We are wondering what we are going to do until he gets paid on Friday...And then this afternoon I get a knock on the door~ Carlos came to bring me something and when he left because he would not stay I was so....completely overwhelmed! He had given us gift cards to Publix for fifteen hundred dollars~ I don't think that I have stopped crying all day...His generosity will help us through as Tom will be leaving and we won't have any income for several weeks~ God is so good and my brother's love makes me happy and sad at the same time because of the estrangement that my parent's have caused between us.....I just continue to pray during this very difficult time and hope that they will come to see in time that I had to choose God's ways over man's~

MATTHEW 6:29
ANYONE WHO LISTENS TO MY TEACHING AND FOLLOWS IT IS WISE, LIKE A PERSON WHO BUILD A HOUSE ON SOLID ROCK. THOUGH THE RAIN COMES IN TORRENTS AND THE FLOODWATERS RISE AND THE WINDS BEAT AGAINST THAT HOUSE, IT WON'T COLLASPE BECAUSE IT IS BUILT ON BEDROCK. BUT ANYONE WHO HEARS MY TEACHING AND DOESN'T OBEY IT IS FOOLISH, LIKE A PERSON WHO BUILDS A HOUSE ON SAND. WHEN THE RAINS AND FLOODS COME AND THE WINDS BEAT AGAINST THAT HOUSE IT WILL COLLASPE WITH A MIGHTY CRASH.

Sermon~

Well....I got up at seven this morning to go to the horses with Gabby and Tom~ I made it through the week! Praise God...because it really has been a challenge as of late. We thought for sure that I should go to the hospital this week but without insurance we are finding many things hard when it comes to my health. So I started praying...praying without ceasing~ Imploring the Lord to get me through and settle my health down so that I might be the wife and mom I desire and I believe God desires me to be~ And you know what...He did~ Sure I am still dragging but I am dragging which I was not last week. So Praise God for His mercy to me! So I am at home this evening with Austie who is not feeling too well and Tom, Amanda and Gabby are at church~ And thank the Lord I was able to watch online~ This has been a true blessing because I need to be in church....We are called to worship together and the strength that comes when I am in the house of the Lord...gives me what I need for what may come. The message was on the Power of the Holy Spirit...gochristfellowship.com Go online and check it out~ OUR GOD IS MIGHTY AND MERCIFUL AND HE WILL SEE US THROUGH~ We must believe it and cling to it with all our might! We need to remember the our Heavenly Father will never disappoint that He is there waiting for us~

Melt Down~

Well....what a complete and utter meltdown I had today~ It was not pretty, pleasant and really not like me....But nevertheless~ It happened. I have been in the throws of the worst flare that I have had in over a year...and I am scheduled to give a deposition in my brother's divorce case~ He knows I am very sick but that means nothing to anyone in my family....They are just determined to be vindictive towards my sister-in-law. It is so very disheartening that "professing Christians" should behave this way. But less I digress~ I ended up telling his attorneys office off...yep, I did ~ They could not understand that I have a doctor's note....that I am willing to comply ...once well~ Because I have nothing to hide....No they kept pushing my buttons until I blew up and told them in no uncertain terms that their client my brother was well aware that I was sick and that if they persisted I would get my own attorney~ And then I got off the phone and cried...You see family is everything too me and for them to continue to behave in this manner when Tom and I have always been there for all of them is heartbreaking~ Why? All because we stood up for what is right and would not condone my brother's affair! So .....I am calmer now having taken this before the Lord...Because He knows where I am at ....God knows my heart and I know that Tom and I made the right decision to stand with Chris and help her with the children. As for my family I must continue to release them to the Lord~

ROMANS 12:2
DON'T COPY THE BEHAVIOR AND CUSTOMS OF THIS WORLD, BUT LET GOD TRANSFORM YOU INTO A NEW PERSON BY CHANGING THE WAY YOU THINK. THEN YOU WILL LEARN TO KNOW GOD'S WILL FOR YOU, WHICH IS GOOD AND PLEASING AND PERFECT.

Busy Weekend~

We had lovely and busy weekend even though I have been down for the count. I spent the whole day Friday resting in bed for Saturday~ Tom , Gabby and I have been volunteering at church with the special needs horse ministry. It has been such a blessing to us~ Tom spent the morning setting up and the afternoon helping in the kitchen! Which gave me quite the chuckle because he is not handy in the kitchen at all but they put him to work bagging bread and setting food up~ Gabby spent the morning in Signing class and then she helped in Art class...She has really been blessed in that this has lifted her spirits quite a bit and the Lord has blessed her by opening the door for her to have several riding lessons something which we could never afford at this point~ God is so good! And what a blessing to have lunch and bible study afterward...and we never leave there without their blessing us with food...enough even for our hungry teens for several days~ We have truly been blessed. God's provision for our family has been tremendous...He has been meeting all our needs~ I need to remember this as the days to Tom's leaving us for going out on the road nears. My prayer is that we are in His will every step of the way and that He would plant our family right where we need to be~ I had a lovely surprise yesterday when Chris and the kids brought us a wonderful dinner and the kids made me a beautiful and very large Valentine~ It was wonderful to see Emily and Eddie after not seeing them for a week...Haily and I get to spend time together every day as I take her to school and pick her up. Amanda spent the night as today is Presidents Day and I am still on the mend ~ She is watching the kids while Chris is in school..I am sure she will be quite tired when she gets home! Those munchkins are active....Just like Amanda, Austin and Gabby were~ Oh how I miss those days! But God is so kind in that I have been able to enjoy Eddie, Emily and Haily~


MATTHEW 6:31
THEREFORE DO NOT WORRY AND BE ANXIOUS, SAYING, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO TO HAVE TO EAT? OR, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO HAVE TO DRINK? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO WEAR? SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD ABOVE ALL ELSE, AND LIVE RIGHTEOUSLY, AND HE WILL GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED!

Recouping ~

Today I am spending the day recuperating from yesterday~ Ok, I am looking at this objectively.. Was I overzealous in wanting to help Tom...I honestly thought that this was a "good thing"~ But the kids totally fell apart...the house fell apart...Tom fell apart...hahaha See the pattern here! I do~ Oh...I fell apart...my lupus kicked in overtime. What have I learned from this experiment?! That I am totally reliant on the Lord for all things. That He will provided and that if He wants me to work it will be on terms that take into account my illness, my family and the terms will not switch over night and that is what this company did ~ I went from being able to work at home and put my family first to having to come in to having to make phone calls in the evening to having to go out and run all over town! Not a good thing....and unbelievably deceptive~ I guess maybe ...I am naive but~Oh well...I am going to count this as a learning experience and move on. God has not allowed our family to go without and I firmly believe that He will continue to provide. The kids need me to get them back on track and Tom needs me too~ Who knew just one week out of the house could throw everyone into such a tizzy?~ Austie needs my attention so off I go~

Shortest Lived Career~

I am unbelievably sick tonight because I spent the day in training out in the field~ Out in the sun...a big no no for someone with Lupus. I am now in full flair~ I feel like a failure...I know that this is beyond my control...I am going to need to find something that can be done out of the house. I am off to bed at least for the next day to recuperate. I know the Lord knows my heart and He will provide~

Tired But Thankful~

I am completely exhausted today...But so very thankful that I have a job~ Mind you I need to make contacts and get clients but I believe that God gave me this opportunity and I need to make the most of it. I was at work last night training until 8:30...So I am spent but God is giving me the grace to get through. I am working out of the house today and Tom is here with me ....and I must say it is not the easiest thing having him home. His routine has completely gone by the wayside due to losing his primary job and I am sure that it is not easy to be on call with only Blockbuster. It has been a major blow to his sense of self. He is keeping busy with the trucking courses and is doing quite well with the exception of the mechanical portion...So we will see how things go~ I believe that he is looking forward to getting on the road and functioning full-time instead of part-time and really having a sense of supporting his family. Well~ Back to work I go...it is an adjustment but God will me through.

A New Day~

Started out today early....after a night where I did not sleep well at all~ But God gave me the grace and strength I needed for the day. I was up and out early to the Rheumy for my check-up..I've been battling a flare since the accident on New Year's eve so once again we are playing with my Predisone. We will see how it works~ Good thing is it will get me through the training portion of my "NEW JOB"! Yea!! I took the job with the insurance company. Tom and I spoke about it and we both felt it would be a good thing for our family. I enjoy working with people and have a history in sales so away I go~ First unofficial day went well...the schedule is just what I need with the kids and Tom getting ready to leave to work in the next several months. GOD IS SO GOOD! Got a phone call from Tom this afternoon to say that the company that fired him sent a check for over nine hundred dollars into our checking account. Praise God! We so needed the money...God is meeting our needs one at a time and we are truly grateful~

Whirlwind~

Well..it's been quite the ride here for the last several days~ Went to my job interview on Tuesday and I was offered the job! Now I need the Lord to help me discern if this is what He wants for me and my family. It is in insurance so I will be able to once I am out of training to set my own schedule...which is exactly what I need~ With Tom going out on the road across the country I need to be available at all times to the kids. This I believe too will enable me to pace myself due to my SLE~ So what to do?! I have scheduled myself tomorrow for "orientation" to find out more...This is strictly a commission job but it is at forty percent which is quite high in sales...I can move into management once I learn the ropes but if I can make good money and not have the headaches..I am all for it. I spoke with the District manager when he interviewed me and told him I was looking for a flexible schedule and that my family came first and he didn't blink...so there really could be potential here. I will see what happens at the meeting and then talk with Tom about it and then we will decide. Today has been absolutely nuts! I dropped Haily off at school at 9:30 and then was off to a meeting at Grandma's nursing for her three month care meeting...She is not doing as well as she was and it really takes a toll on me~ I spent Tuesday afternoon from 4 until well after midnight with her..I had called to check on her and she was slurring her speech and having numbness so off I went to see her~ They called her doctor who called the hospital and an ambulance...It took three hours for the ambulance to pick her up! I was not happy~ They ran a bunch of tests and could not figure out what was happening so they sent her back...and all the while she was telling everyone I needed the care not her because of my Lupus~ She is a card. So I spoke with her doctor this evening and he is not sure if she had a mini-stroke or not but he has increased her medication. So I spent sometime with her and running to the bank for her because she wanted to make sure my children had some spending money from her...their GiGi(great grandma) and then off to pick up my Amanda to take her to meet my friend Pam who is taking her on a four day Mexican cruise for her daughter's 18th birthday~ They have been such a blessing to us during this difficult time we have been having...It is so good for Amanda to get away ...she is my right hand helping with things when I am down for the count. And then off I went to the hospital to pick up my x-rays for my doctor's appointment and off to the doctor I went..I was given a brace and not much help because I am a "hard" case because of all my medical issues...I don't think this doctor has much bed-side manner. Anyhow...did I mention that I also in between stopped at Goodwill and Wendy's? It must have been that Starbucks Pam treated me to that kept me going~hahaha I LOVE my coffee! And then I came home and had a meltdown of Tom before he went to work. I dyed my hair last night dark...I do not "do" dark hair because 1. it is not good to use dark dyes for sle patients 2. Tom likes my hair highlighted 3. it depresses me....So I ask what was I thinking? Now the meltdown was only partially due to the dark hair...didn't help that Gigi said she hated it~ha But it was also due to the fact that because of the flare from the car accident I have been on very high doses of predisone so I have put on another ten pounds but also it sends your emotions all over the place~ It is a necessary evil because it will get me better ...it is the only thing that will get me better. So he will be coming home will a high-lighting kit so that tomorrow for my interview I do not look like Morticia...Yes~ it is that dark. So enough of my rant...I almost forgot the icing on the cake...my brother Ed had me served in his divorce case. He absolutely cannot stand that my sister-in-law and I became close once he left her...Chris is a wonderful mother and a strong believer...and as often times is the case came into her own due to unfortunate circumstances. Tomorrow is another day...just like Scarlett says but I unlike Scarlett know that God holds tomorrow in His hands~

Job~

Well~ I've got a job interview! Yes, indeed I got a phone call today for a job interview for a management position for an insurance company. Not sure what it will entail but....we really need to the income. If it is God's will I have to believe that he will give me the strength I need on a daily basis to work the job. I just have to find a professional outfit for the interview and I must dash out tomorrow for a closed toe pair of shoes~ With my lupus I don't wear many closed shoes because of the meds I'm on ...make my feet swell...and living here in South Florida...well, I can get away with sandals all year round! So I must say it's a little exciting and yet a little scary because I have only worked for myself and Tom for the last five years. So we will see what happens...I just pray God's will be done~ Because I've learned to not be in His will is not a place where I want to be~

Standing on Faith~

We are standing on FAITH...that God will supply all our needs~ The big, the little and everywhere in between...there is no other way for us to live at this point in our lives. Tom called this evening to let me know that starting trucking school on Monday was the best decision that he made...as his hours were count down to twelve ...yes, that's twelve hours for this week! How do they expect him to support a family on twelve hours?! Anyhow, I digress....Yes, we are are trusting...actually CLINGING at this point to the Lord. He should finish school in about two months and then we will have a better idea of where we will be planted because I know that God has a plan. This may have just been what He had to do to get our attention~ The kids are a little apprehensive because we don't know if we will have to move out of town within the same area...out of the area or even out of state. Everyone is feeling stressed out ...It's my job to keep them all busy enough that there is not enough down-time to give to much thought to things that are beyond our control. We were blessed this week to the point of my crying in our church office~ They blessed us by giving us gift cards for groceries and paying our electric bill...GOD PROVIDED...HE MET US RIGHT WHERE WE WERE/ARE!There was a song...Once again from youngest days of being in church..it went
God is so good ....God is so good..He's so good too me~
MATTHEW 6:33
BUT SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS AND ALL THESE THINGS WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU AS WELL.

"...God can make the pieces of this world's puzzle fit together; He helps us view the world from a new perspective." ~Erwin Lutzer