Remembering my dad today....I will always miss you~

It's been a very busy several weeks~ I got through training....got all A's!  Thank you Lord for allowing me to "get it".  I was so worried with being tired that I would not do well~God is good!  The new job is going very well~ the people are incredibly nice and helpful.  I have got the swing of things and my boss is very happy that I know what I am doing.  I am looking at it as a foot in the door....Lord willing given time and an open position and I can move up.  I had only been there a week and they had a birthday cake and card for me....I was very surprised...pleasantly.  Today I found out my boss is sending the whole office for pedicures on Friday for Christmas.  I am so thankful that God has given me this opportunity.  Having to work now out of the home....after working for Tom and myself for so many years~ it's a stretch...but the Lord has shown me mercy and grace.  My brother blessed me with money for my birthday and I was able to go Christmas shopping!  So happy~ it has been years since I have really been able to go out and shop till I drop for my kids~ I had a blast!  We are going to have a quiet Christmas.  Christmas Eve service and than we will read the Christmas story as we have since the kids were born.....Christmas I am cooking.  Gabby has requested comfort food....her favorites.  The girls and I will be baking and having fun.  There will not be a moment where I won't be missing my dad.  This was his favorite time of year but I know he would want me to be there for my family.....I can hear him in my head~ so I will try to make it as special as I can.  So many changes happened this year....I am not one for change but God is always growing me and stretching me away from my comfort zone.  Thank you Lord for always giving me the strength to get through~

Thanksgiving thoughts~

Been quite the busy week~ with Thanksgiving and getting ready to begin work this week.  We had a quiet holiday with just Tom the kids and I and Titi Sylvia.  My brother popped in for dessert with his wife and my niece.  The kids have spent the past several days at her house decorating and keeping her company.  I think it did them all a world of good.  She has been a real blessing to us.  She has been a stabilizing force in the kids lives since dad's passing.  I did not see my mom~ she has been quite busy socially.  I did call her though to wish her a Happy Thanksgiving.  I am very thankful that the Lord has given me this chance to work.  I know that it will relieve some stress from Tom and the kids.  I am hoping to surprise the kids with a Christmas tree this weekend.  So many of our things have gone missing since the move~ so it will be a little bit of replacement at a time.  We have always decorated the whole house for Christmas...last year with dad's passing we didn't have a tree...so I am going to try and remedy this!  The girls are going to be very busy the next couple of weeks with choir and Gabby with singing in the band as well.  Lord willing once my training is over I will be able to get a doctor for Austin.  I so want him to be well; so he can start to live like a teenager.  I continue to pray  for work for Tom and a home that will give Austin his own room.  I know God knows and sees the needs of our family...and I know his timing is perfect.  Just have to remind myself of this~  We are so blessed in so many ways...when I start to get discouraged I remind myself of the blessings that we do have~ so much more than many.  Praying you all have a blessed week and that the Lord would give each and everyone of you just what you need when you need it.

Happy Thanksgiving~

It is the start of the holiday season~ Wow...time has flown by this year.  I am thankful for many things...
Missing those that will not be around the table this year~ my dad, grandma, titi Eva....I am praying that the Lord would bring each and everyone of  you a wonderful day tomorrow with your families.  Make the most of each moment....Make memories...Enjoy each other....and always remember to say I love you~ I am thankful for my family, for God's provision and for cherished memories.

The Lord bless you and keep...May he shine his face upon you.....

Faithful~

In the presence of hope, faith is born.  In the presence of faith, love becomes a possibility.  In the presence of love, miracles happen. ~Robert Schuller

I start work on Monday! What an answer to prayer!! I have been running around this week between Titi Sylvia's radiation appointments getting all the paperwork done.  Wow~ very excited.  Gabby started singing this past weekend in the praise and worship band..she loved it!  I am so happy for her~ just what she needed.  Now I continue to pray for that the Lord would bring Austin some godly friends that will be an encouragement to him.  He is having a struggle wondering what the Lord is doing in our lives.  Titi Eva's passing was the icing on the cake for him and I am watching my son; who always had such a love for God and his word...start to drift.  He has shared with me that he is struggling to understand where God is in all of the losses....and I continue to watch Tom struggle as well.  My constant prayer is that the Lord would show himself faithful because we are weary....and although I keep walking it is a sometimes a day to day struggle~ so I can understand how and why Austie has so many questions.  I just encourage them on a daily basis that God has not forgotten them and he does indeed have a plan for our lives.  I am praying for that miracle that I know God has for us.

Keep Walking~

Got a call this morning from the bank~ they wanted to know if I am still interested in a job.....yes!  So they will be getting back with me on Monday with the details.  It's part-time and from what I understand they have great benefits.  Very happy~ will be happier still when the particulars are worked out and I am one hundred percent sure that I have a job.  Tom is waiting on the test to come through to take it.  The recruiter told him it is a long process and to be patient....Tom and I found this very funny.  I am just thankful that Tom continues to keep going no matter what~ that he is faithful to our family and that we stand together.  I am simply exhausted after the past two weeks but have found that when I need it the Lord gives me the strength needed.  My former sister-in-law surprised me the other day with a gift card to the grocery store...what a blessing!  It was so sweet of her to think of us~ and it was a big help.  Provision has been my prayer and I am continually amazed how the Lord provides for our family.  I know without a doubt that I need to trust and obey and even when I don't understand ...I just need to keep walking.

Thankful~

Today was the Mass and celebration of  Titi's life~ it was a beautiful service and than we had a lovely luncheon at my cousin's home in her honor.   The girls and I my cousin's and Titi Sylvia were all there cooking, laughing and telling stories all afternoon.  We had a wonderful time!  The girls learned from their cousin how to cook Titi Eva's rice and gandules.  Making memories~ the kids are now over keeping Titi Sylvia company.  We took her to her radiation appointment this afternoon and than she took us out for burgers.  I am now trying to enjoy the quiet after a whirlwind of the past two weeks....sitting here reflecting over all that has happened and how God has given me the strength that I have needed daily.  Thankful for time spent wisely on relationships~ all the stuff that we collect along the way can never take the place of the relationships with family and friends and all the memories made along the way.  I am so blessed that God has allowed me to have such wonderful examples of loved ones in my life that drew their strength and faith from the one who will never leave us or forsake us~ so on those days when I am running on empty...when I feel like I just can't keep keeping on; I just remember what they told me...trust in the Lord~ He knows what we need and he will provide.

Tea and Sleep~

So I am down for the count with a horrible cold.  I knew it was just a matter of time until the past few months caught up with me~ so I have been home resting the past several days.  Lots of tea and sleep.  I am feeling much better than yesterday; and for that I am thankful.  I will be taking the next week or so to play catch-up in the house...but housework will always be here~ Very happy that I was able to relationship first!  Tom and I took a drive up to Jacksonville on Wednesday for a job interview for him.  What a drive~ it was beautiful going up with fall weather and colors!  Something we don't get here in South Florida.  It was good to get away for the day and clear my head.  The interview went well~ and he has a second one by phone this week.  I have left it in Gods hands.  Gabby got into the praise and worship team as a back-up singer to start; she is very excited. Mandy is out tonight with friends and Austie is going to have his first shaving lesson...Tomorrow is the visitation for Titi Eva and Monday the church service.  It will be hard for the kids but we have many wonderful memories.  The holidays are right around the corner and Lord willing we will be making new traditions and fun along the way.  I know God has good things in store and I just have to trust in him.

Titi Eva~

I was called to the hospital this morning~ Titi had taken a turn for the worse....everything was shutting down.  My cousin and I assembled the family to say our goodbyes...everyone came.  She left us at noon and later in the afternoon my cousin had everything shut off ~ with everyone in the room and my cousin Sandi and I holding her hand~ she left us for good.  I don't know what it is going to be like without her...I just adored her.  She was so wonderful and kind and loving and she meant the world too me.  The very last sister~ gone....She told me Friday...if something happens to me remember I am with the Lord.  So these tears that just won't stop are not because I have no hope...simply because I will miss her.  I have nothing but wonderful memories of her as a child and than with my own children....they were/are crazy about her.  She was a tiny woman  and she would run and play with the kids.  I remember her playing football with my son when he was a toddler.  She was famous for her rice and gandules....I remember her climbing my fruit trees with the kids when they were little...taking care of me when I was so sick and pregnant with my last~ Gabby....Simply said she was the most wonderful great-aunt anyone could wish for...and she will forever be missed and always loved.  I know she is rejoicing to be with her beloved son and family again~ I know she was welcomed with shouts of joy...I will take everything she taught me through life and be the better for it~ I love you!

Titi Eva (Great-Aunt Eva)

It has been a long and difficult week.  Friday my aunt and two cousins gathered at the hospital for my great-aunt's surgery.  It was so much more major than any of us thought~ including the doctor.  What was a major surgery turned into a very major and risky surgery that lasted four hours.  He had to take out four feet of intestine and had to cut her up to her spleen.....he was not expecting her to be as ill as she was~ neither were any of us....she is now in the critical care unit and the recovery has not begun yet~ she now has a fever and may have an infection.  I was called this morning at six to rush to the hospital as the medication made her delusional and she has pulled out all of her tubes and tried to leave the hospital room....no small feet for an eighty-three year old woman.  I got there and she had been strapped to the bed....I removed the straps and was able to calm her down to the point that she was able to stabilize a bit.  It has been a hard day~  my cousin's and I are going to take turns keeping an eye on her...it is touch and go~ and I am praying...very hard.  I want to hear her crazy laugh and her jokes and see that smile again.  So tonight Lord willing she will have a peaceful night ~ I am praying for that.

One Step~

Thank you Lord; I made it through the day!  So happy after not sleeping and waking up with a bit of a flare.  Today was the first day of radiation for my aunt and she was extremely nervous but she got through the treatment and day one.  Tomorrow morning another treatment and than we are off to my great auntie~ while I leave aunt number 1 resting....I am off again with aunt 2 to her doctors appointment for the surgery.  Quite the busy week ahead with appointments throughout the week and than surgery for aunt number 2 on Friday.  Wow~ tired just thinking about it!  I had Tom home for the past two days.....and he was sick!  So disappointed because he had planned on us spending time together.  Seems like with his crazy work schedule and mine we don't get a lot of time to spend together.  Wednesday is our anniversary~ twenty-one years!  I just can't believe it~ it has flown by.  This year is bittersweet with all the changes we had this past year.  Last year my parents had a dinner for us; my dad always remembered and tried to make it special.  Missing him a great deal with the holidays coming.  Yesterday we had a family dinner and his presence was missed by everyone.  I don't know that this will ever get any easier....I suppose it is a matter of time.  I am going to try along with my aunt to plan a couple of days away that way we are not here for Christmas this year.  Just a short getaway to Orlando.  There is a great deal of things we can do and see during Christmas time.  It was a tradition started when the kids were little~ my parents, my grandma and aunt and the kids and Tom and I would all go up to see the Disney Village and all the decorations...so Lord willing that is our goal~ to get the kids out of here and in a happy and fun place.  Things have changed...mom has changed and we just need to adapt and start new traditions with the kids.  I want to transition them as easily as possible~ though I know it won't be easy; it has to be done and we have to move on in some ways~ I know dad would have wanted this and yet it is still so hard.  So we are making plans for Thanksgiving at a cousin's...and birthdays with just the kids...and Christmas away.  One step at a time~

Regret~

The past several days have been spent in regret~ realizing that when we had the chance we should have moved...there is really a lack of jobs here in sunny South Florida but the cost of living just continues to rise.  I am just going to try and regroup~ get my wits about me and try to continue on with the perspective that our God is a God of second chances.  So I will continue to pray and continue to have faith that no matter what the Lord does care about what happens to his children.  I will continue to look for part-time work and Tom will continue to work at the car lot...and life will continue on~

Rainy Day~

It's a rainy day here in sunny South Florida~  made it through the busy day yesterday and spending the day indoors today with all the rain.  Curled up with the pets and Gabs in my room~ a very lazy day...just regrouping from all that has been going on.  Yesterday was busy with two doctors appointment and than errands.   Grandma's sister, my great-aunt is scheduled for a major surgery on October the 28th and dad's sister, my other aunt will be starting radiation on Monday.  In prep for the radiation there needs to be measurements on Friday.  Today is Titi Eva's 84th birthday and tomorrow afternoon we will be going out for an early dinner before I am off to work.  She is very much looking forward to her day tomorrow....she is too much~ spunky as can be no one would say that she is 84!  She made me cry yesterday after her doctor's appointment she told me that my grandma might be with the Lord now but I have her~ and she is there for me.  She is such a strong woman, independent and she has such a wonderfully strong faith in God.  Even with all that has happened to her in life; she is not jaded but continually leans on the Lord.  A good reminder to me; to not give up!  So today it's just me and the Gabber as everyone else is down for the count...good afternoon to spend with my precious girl.

My oh my~

My oh my~ what a busy week it was and it will not be letting up!  So I have spent the weekend lounging...being a couch potato~ saving my strength for what lies ahead.  Tomorrow begins bright an early with my great aunt~ to the surgeon we go...she has been quite sick and has to have surgery....and than back to her home to drop her off....back home to catch my breath~ and than off again to radiation with my aunt for her fitting for the treatments.  Lord willing they will begin her treatments this week.  The interviews for Tom and I went well last week...but we will just wait and see.  My boss at my part-time job has given me quite the work-out with her attitude towards me....praying that she will let up as this is not what I expected from a fellow sister in Christ~ and frankly I am very hurt.  Gabby is quite excited and nervous for her praise team auditions on Thursday night.  I hope and pray it goes well for her~ she has so few things that she really enjoys and singing is at the top of her list.  Amanda has started to study again; hoping that she can get some of her focus back. My Austin is still quite sick~ and we wait to see if we can get him to a doctor.  It has been frustrating as of late because although I am leaning on the Lord....I often wonder ~ When?! and of course Why?!  I just want my son to be healthy and taken care of and for us  to not be able to do take care of him makes us feel horrible.  So waiting....is a really struggle for me.  I am just trying to remain positive and pray and trust some more~  Trust is such a hard thing and I don't know that it gets any easier.  One would think that it would...at least I feel as if it should get easier for me....but it hasn't and I remind myself daily to trust....to remember that I have no control and that God does see what we are going through~  He hasn't dropped us....He doesn't forget our needs...do I understand His timing vs. what seems right to me....absolutely not! but I wait and trust and pray and continue on...because I am called to this life of faith.... and just because I don't get it doesn't mean that He has forgotten me or our families needs, wants, hopes, dreams~  I am reminded that scripture tells us that His timing is perfect and to everything there is a season....that He will never leave us nor forsake....these are God's promises to each and every one  of us....this is what keeps me hopeful.

It's only Tuesday?!

It's only Tuesday and I am tired just thinking about the next several days~ yesterday I went to the oncologist with my aunt; she starts radiation on Friday...the report was very good!  So glad~ she will be on radiation therapy for the next six weeks.  I will be taking Amanda tomorrow to a local college to look into possibly attending classes.  She is struggling with my dad's passing, losing our home and her dad still looking for a good job~ she is floundering and I think that if we can get her excited about the possibilities out there for her than maybe she can overcome this depression.  Tom has an interview tomorrow and I have one on Thursday.  We are not allowing ourselves to become excited anymore about "possibilities"; we are just going to wait and see.  I have been busy working on getting my great-aunt her things back...that is a story in itself.  So needless to say~ I am tired and stressed but I try to look at the bigger picture and take it one day at a time.  I just continue to pray and wait on the Lord.  Lord-willing sometime after Christmas I will have assistance with Austin's medical care so that we can get him to a rheumotologist.  Until than I am trying to just let him get the rest that his body needs~ he is very fatigued and in a great deal of joint pain.  Gabby is keeping busy with church and is looking forward to trying out for the high school praise team.  Time is moving along so very quickly and with the holiday's just around the corner; I am wondering just what we are going to do~ where will we spend it...Tom and I are leaning towards just a very quiet time with the kids and my aunt as I am sure mom will be going to my brother's homes.  I am hoping to locate our fall decorations~ my favorite time of year! I think this just might spread some cheer.  So somewhere between all these appointments this week....I am going to find the time.

Had to share this~

Feeling blue~

Today has been a a bit of a difficult day~  I find myself looking ahead and looking behind; wondering why God has allowed us to be in this place in our lives.  I was always one for planning...my day, the week, the month...vacations, birthdays...and now I am unable to plan anything~ it can be disconcerting.  I never doubt that God is there...never do I have a doubt that he loves our family but I am asking why?  I live by faith..daily and I pray~ I have placed my life...our lives in his hands and I am thankful for his provision for our family through these days~ But...I am asking the Lord for a respite...a time of ease...where we can regroup and restart our lives.  I have to trust the he is listening and that he cares about the little, big and small..that he will give me the strength that I need daily and will lift me up onto my feet again.

What a week~

It has been a week~  so thankful that it is behind me.  I have been spending much of this week with my grandma's sister...my great aunt; who has been going a very difficult time.  She is such a sweet and strong woman of God; just like grandma.  I am very thankful that I was able to help her....she helped me as a teenager a great deal.  She was always there to listen to me and I have never forgotten.  Today after a week of taking her to places that we both wish we did not have to go...my dear cousin took the two us out to a wonderful lunch with her~  I haven't been out in so long like this...it was an absolute treat.  I am back to work at church; just a couple of hours a week.  I am beginning to apply for jobs again.  I am hoping to find something that will allow me to work with the kids schedules.  I have to believe that God will continue to take care of our family.  I have been sending Tom's resume out almost on a daily basis...praying that someone will give him a chance.  He is such a hard worker and has so much experience in business~  I pray each day that God will bless him and our family.  We both very much would like a brand new start~ and I know that it would be great for our family....so I continue to pray and wait on the Lord.  He had a call from Tampa this week from a recruiter and they said they would be moving on to the interview process....so we will see what happens.  I am more than a little apprehensive about getting our hopes up~  I know we are in Gods hands.

God is bigger~

Tom got home this afternoon exhausted from the day yesterday~ it was long...he left Fort Lauderdale at seven and than got in late last night.  Tomorrow he is off bright and early to work.  Well~ things went in manner that he has never experienced before....so now he doesn't know where he stands and is confused.  The gentleman he would be working for directly was very nice and professional...but the regional~ that was a different story altogether.  He said some very negative things in regards to Tom's appearance...he went in a suit...and implied that perhaps he would have a hard time fitting in because of his looks...now Tom's father is Dutch his mother Spanish and Tom looks Spanish...so he was left wondering what was this person's implication but!  no matter~ because Tom said he did not blink...did not let this person see that he was upset and proceeded to conduct himself in the manner he always does~ professionally.  I think that for whatever reason he has a a sense of being superior and that my husband said is fine...he just would like a job.  So it is in God's hands because whether this man realizes it or not...it is not about what he wants~ he is not in control of our lives...GOD IS!  So take that~ because I know my God is bigger and continues to provide.

Some days are just difficult~

Today has been a difficult day~ the steroids are making feel as if I am climbing the walls.  Not a good feeling~ than I get a call from my boss who would like to know if I can be reliable...because if I can't perhaps I should be taken off the schedule.  Well~ I am hurt because this is a Christian and angry because there is the ADA act.  I think because of the meds it has made me feel more agitated than I normally would~ but I need that little bit of money each week to get the girls to and from church...so tomorrow I meet with my pastors wife to discuss how this needs to be handled.  Please pray the Lord gives me the words...I am not a vengeful person and I just want to be treated in a manner that is thoughtful and respectful.  I have never missed work but I am just having a difficult time rebounding from this flare.  Tom leaves tomorrow morning for Roanoke.  Praying all goes well and they are able to hammer out a good contract.  I know that God has a plan.  So I am going to try and settle down with a cup of tea and let the day go~

Home Again~

So I have been spending the last several days recuperating at home after several days in the hospital~ there are times when I forget that I have Lupus...I love those days but every once in a while it rears its ugly head to remind me.  This happened last week after a very long day and not feeling so good...I was having a hard time breathing so Tom took me to the hospital.  I am very happy to say that all the tests they ran had great results...no heart issues...no problem whatsoever but just an incredibly big flare.  So here I am at home resting~ God is good the hospital visit is covered and now I just need to regroup.  Tom leaves this Thursday for Roanoke, Virginia.  So excited!  He is meeting with his bosses to look at and sign the contract.  We are hoping that he can start by October.  We are trusting the Lord for the money for him to go up and get settled.  The kids and I have been invited to stay come December with a cousin who lives four hours away.  He and her husband have opened their house to us so that Tom would not have to be without us and us without him for too long.  God is good.  So we will see ...the kids would like to stay through December but Tom very much would like us to stay with them.  So much to be done~ packing!  Please dear sisters; pray for that the Lord gives me the strength I need to do all that must be done.  Pray that we are able to save the monies needed for this move.  I know that God will make a way...where it seems hard.  He has not failed us and I do not believe that he will stop now.  He is faithful even when I struggle in my faith and walk....He is good.

God's Timing~

Praise God!!  Tom got the phone call~ he got the job!  What an answer to prayer; we are just praising the Lord.  To hear the excitement in my husbands voice...to know that Austin will be able to go the doctor....it is a brand new start for our family.  God's timing is perfect~ it has been a long, hard and difficult road but!  God enabled us to: see grandma to her homecoming....spend the last several years being there for my father...God allowed us to be here when he finally called my father into his heavenly rest.  I have asked God why? so many times through the last several years....but!  He always provided what we needed  when we needed it.....he always sustained me; he never failed us.  Thank you Lord for your provision for our family!

Waiting~

It has been an eventful week here in South Florida~ we really dodged a horrible storm and for that we are extremely grateful.  Last major hurricane here in 2004 destroyed our home so....needless to say the kids hear hurricane coming and they get very nervous; especially my Gabby.  Just praying for all those who will feel the effect of this storm.  Tom spoke briefly yesterday with Ikon and due to Irene; there was no meeting...so no answer.  He told Tom that they would make a decision no later than Tuesday~ my goodness waiting is hard but this gives us more time to take care of things in preparation should he get the position.  God is in control and it is all good.  His provision continues and once again ; I am thankful. His mercies are new every morning and he is faithful~

Tomorrow is the day~

Tomorrow is the day~  we will be finding out if they would like Tom for a position....these past several weeks have been difficult.  We are new to this process and it is one long...process for sure!  Turns out they would prefer Tom to go to Roanoke , Virginia.  We just want a job....so wherever the Lord puts us we are ready to go.  Of course we are thinking about the particulars at this point...how will we buy the plane ticket....get the car up there....where will he live....lots of things running around our thoughts but~ I know that if this is the Lord's will ; he will make a way.  The thought of having health insurance again~ which is so needed at this point with Austin's health is something which we would be so thankful for...beyond words.  So I feel like a child getting ready for the first day of school~ don't know if I will sleep tonight :) but I know that whatever happens; God has a plan.

Possibilities~

It appears Tom has a new job~  it is looking like we will be heading to West Virginia....the state capital , Charleston.  He is moving along in the employment process.  Several weeks ago I went online and started sending out his resume all over the country...and he got a hit from West Virginia....at first they approached him about a sales position with Ikon in the town of Beckley...and than as the process moved along and various higher-ups saw his resume...they offered him a sales manager position for the eastern portion of the state...with eight employees underneath him!  Can't begin to even say how this has put a spring in his step~  I have been praying and asking the Lord just to give him a job where he can use his skills....where he would be appreciated....a job anywhere....so I am thankful beyond measure.  So the next step is for him to fly up and see the facilities and meet them and look at the contract....and if all goes well they would like him to start in September.  He would go up first as we are in a lease and than I would visit and we would look for a place to live.   Amanda knows and we are not sure if she will be going along~ she wanted to attend college here and work at our church....we have not told Gabby or Austin.  I know that they both will have a harder time....Gabs is just really starting to come into her own....and we've been in our church for twenty years.....but I know that if God makes this possible; he will make a way...with a church and friends...and a home.  It is a big step for our family...but God will make a way.  It will enable us for the first time in years to be able to not worry about finances and this is a big thing...it will afforded us the ability to do things as a family...for the kids to have activities again...and it will give us the much needed health insurance I have been praying for so we can get Austie well~  I believe it is a Godsend....so we'll know for sure in the next week...and I continue to pray.

Happy Birthday Dad~

In thirty minutes it will be dad's birthday....sitting recalling so many memories~  He gave me many things...none of them that I hold dear were anything material...nothing I can hold or look at...but many that I have in my heart.  He gave me a strong sense of right and wrong.....he gave me a compassion for others...dad gave me a sense of duty...he taught me what a man of integrity looked like and he lived daily doing unto others...for all these things I thank him.  He helped shape me into the person that I have become and made me the parent that I am today.  He taught me how to listen and how to have patience....He gave me a strong faith in the Lord and lived it out for others around him to see.  Even in the end when he was in constant pain; he never complained.  He would make jokes about his condition...about his amputation....to put us at ease.  He would tell us that he didn't blame God for any of his ailments...and he told everyone in those last days what a "blessed man" he was.....but really it was those that knew him that were blessed by him.  I will always carry you in my heart and love you....

Family Time~

Spent the afternoon with my titi(auntie) Eva today.  It was good to see her...as we had not seen each other for some months.  Titi Eva is my grandmother's sister...the last one as all the sister's have passed on but her~   it was good to catch up.  My children adore her..she is such a hoot!  She is loud and boisterous and funny and unbelievably loving.  We also had my titi Sylvia~ dad's sister along with us.  It was a really nice afternoon and of course she had cooked..my kids love her rice and gandules...a special Spanish dish.  My kids thinks hers is the best!  She used to love to tell my grandma this....it was always a competition between them.  Memories...my goodness we have been reliving a lot of them lately.  I suppose its our way of keeping our loved ones with us although they are no longer with us.  Tomorrow Mandy lives with titi bright and early.  We will be at the airport before five in the morning.  Tom has taken the day off to go with me and see them off..five weeks~ not so sure it will fly by.  I am so thankful though that titi is doing this very special trip for Mandy's graduation.  Tom and I were not able to do anything major to help her celebrate; so this is a very big blessing.  I know she will be in good hands and that she will have a wonderful time with her cousins.  So off she goes~ just the beginning ; I am sure.  I am sure Tom and  I will spend the day recouping from getting up so early~ and than I plan to spend sometime with Gabby and Austie....the kids and I are planning pool and beach days to pass the time and get Austie the vitamin D he needs....doctor's orders~ not a bad prescription.  He is now on day three of taking Predisone...it is a low dose so I am not going to worry~ he needs it to help the inflammation and pain and I am sure that it will help his fatigue as well.  One day at a time...one step at a time....I am going to try to remind myself of this on a daily basis.  Today I opened my bible and read: 
Proverbs 3:6
Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
Very timely I thought and that is just what I plan to do~

Fatherly Advice~

Spent the day home today~ have had and awful migraine for the past several days...missed church..something I hate to do~ but found the energy to do laundry and cook.  Roasted the leg of lamb we've had in the freezer for sometime...I have put off cooking it because dad had gotten it for me to cook for all of us.  Never thought it would be difficult  to cook a roast...but it had to be cooked soon and I did it!  Everyone enjoyed it and talked about dad through dinner....does it get any easier?!  I miss him so much..daily...it has been so difficult lately and his birthday is on Wednesday.  Last year at this time he was preparing for his amputation and wondering if he would make it through~  he did and we were able to have more time with him...but it really is never really enough.  So many things on a daily basis I would like to talk with him about..every time I make a dish I know he would enjoy or when we watch a movie or a show or do something we want to tell him....or when we could use some of his advice...its so difficult to know he is not here.  Yesterday was one of those days when I wanted to talk to him about Austie's test results....my son has an autoimmune disease..more than likely Lupus...I am devastated...because I know the pain he is in and it breaks my heart...he needs to see a specialist and I am praying that we will get the referral we need to the University of Miami's children's hospital.   I want him to experience life...life that a sixteen year old should be living.  We so need Tom to get a good job with good health insurance ...the kind we had when he had the business.  So many complications due to his employment situation...I just continue to pray that the Lord will give my husband the job he needs.  So this all brought up dad and my missing him incredibly.  Time...it all takes time~

Thursday evening~

Amanda is all packed~ my....don't know what I am going to do without her for five weeks!  I know that she is excited and can't wait to get away and on with her graduation trip~  Austin and Gabby I am sure would have loved to have gone also but both hate to fly and don't like being away from home and mom for that long...so I will have to come up with some fun things to do while she is gone.  The weather has been really unpredictable as of late here...Rain has been a constant...Gabs says if she wanted this much rain she would move to Seattle..and she doesn't understand how anyone could live in those conditions without being depressed.  My Gabby has always had a flair for the dramatic.  She has some great things to look forward to next week ...party with her life group and choir weekend.  I am thankful that she has gotten involved.  I am praying that Austin can find a friend that he has things in common with and could really develop a friendship.   Austin has gotten to be a real loner especially since dad's passing.  He is my sensitive one who takes so much on; he lays in bed at night thinking~  We all could use some levity in our lives.  Tom is still waiting to hear from Miami about the position here...so we wait and pray.  I am praying that the Lord would give my husband a job that he enjoys ...that will use all the skills that are going to waste at his present job at the dealership.  Took my aunt to the doc today to have the stitches looked at from the surgery and they said that it is healing incredibly well...especially since she still has not given up smoking.  She tells me it is the hardest thing she has ever done..just praying she completely quits soon.  I know the stress of losing dad and grandma has a great deal to do with having started smoking so much.  She treated me to breakfast after the appointment ...very nice.  I am hoping that when she gets home from the trip with Mandy that she will start to get out more...hoping that she doesn't lose her hair from the radiation.  Austin has his follow-up tomorrow with the doctor.  I am hoping that we will get some answers to all this fatigue and pain he is experiencing.  I am praying that he doesn't have Lupus.  I am planning on asking for a referral for further testing.  I just want him to feel happy and healthy like any sixteen year old should.  Mom broke up with her boyfriend after speaking with her brothers....very thankful for this as he didn't treat her as well as he should have.  I know she is just lonely and very uncertain about what she will do...Thankfully; she has a very good girlfriend that has continued to keep her busy.  This has been an answer to prayer.  Now we are praying that she can find a full-time job.  I am regrouping after my retail "adventure"....I will be back working at the end of August at church...and of course schooling the kids...taking care of the house ...and our family.  I am praying about applying for another position at church that is available.  It is still part-time but 20-25 hours  and this would be perfect for me.  Just feeling a little up in the air right now with all the changes~  Tom had to go to our old house to pick up a package that was delivered there incorrectly last week...that was very hard.  He said there are college girls living in my old home....knowing that was a difficult pill to swallow.  He had completely built a gourmet kitchen for me to cook in and all the little touches that we had done specially put in with love for our family.  Felt like it is an end to a dream...but I rebounded after the week....so much...so very much..I keep asking the Lord why?!  I will let you all know when he answers~ so I continue to hang in and hold on...because really is there any other choice?  Just taking it one moment at a time because really that is all I can do~ and that's ok.

Good to be back~

It's good to be back~ I have been without my own computer for months now...so I have been using Austin's.  Thank you to my kind teenage son for allowing his mother to use his computer but it is so good to have my own back again!  So here's hoping to joining the online community again.  Last I had the opportunity to post I had a new job....well~ it lasted all of a minute....I got up bright and early...five thirty comes very early...got to work to find hospice sitting vigil awaiting Robin's grandma's imminent departure from this this life to the next.  So I wait till August to start back at church.  My aunt's surgery went very well.  The  doctor was able to remove the mass and no other Cancer was found.  For this I praise God~  she will have to undergo six weeks of radiation when she gets home from her trip to California.  Tom awaits the meeting sometime in August for his final interview.  And so we wait and pray....Mandy has graduated from high school.  She is taking the Summer off to regroup and pray and study.  She'll be away for five weeks to visit family in California.  The trip was given to her by my aunt for her graduation.  I am hoping to be able to spend some special time with Gabby and Austin.  Hoping to make some memories~  tonight is Tom's memory making evening as he and Gabby watch old classic horror movies....the ones that came before all the gore and evil that they have in movies today.  So tonight it's the old Mummy and the like~ I am off to the store to get them special snacks....what a movie night without snacks~

One moment at a time~

I am now employed again....Yeah!  I am so thankful that God has provided for our family.  I am going to be granny-sitting three days a week 7-7...long day yes~ but with God all things are possible.  I believe that the Lord gave me the job and he will give me strength that I need.  Granny is in hospice care so it will not be long term position but having walked through this journey with grandma; I am happy to assist this family.  Tom Lord-willing be be starting a new job in the next several weeks....in his field!  I am so happy that this may be possible.  He had a wonderful interview and the gentleman that conducted that interview said he would hire him on the spot but that he was going away on vacation for two weeks..so when he gets back Tom will be meeting with his boss and we will go from there~  One step a time.  I will be taking Austin to the doctor tomorrow in order to get him a referral for Miami children's hospital.  He has been having extremely painful  join and because of my history it has to be taken very seriously.  He is unable to even pick up a pencil right now....I am praying for wisdom on the doctors part so that they will know the tests to run in order to help my son.  My aunt~ dad's sister was diagnosed on Monday with breast cancer.  She is just beside herself...she will have to have surgery to determine how invasive the cancer is and than radiation.  Wow~ I cannot understand how people without the Lord handle life....I know that I never could..it is only knowing that God walks along with me in this life that allows me to keep going and get up each day.  Her name is Sylvia for you prayer warriors out there~  One day a time...sometimes only a moment at a time but God's faithfulness is my strength.  God is my sounding board and when I think I cannot take another thing; I take it to him.  Thank you Lord for always having an ear...even when I question, yell, scream and cry and wonder why.....

Off to the races~

I have been off and running now for over a week~ it seems that life never slows down...what a thought!  Ran Austin to the doctor on Monday.  He has been battling insomnia again; my poor son has suffered a real lack of sleep these past few weeks.  So bit the bullet and took him to our old family doctor though it wasn't covered. She is such a wonderful and compassionate person.  Not only did she reduce the visit but gave us all the homeopathic remedies in order to help him...and Praise God!  The child has been sleeping.  I will need to follow him up though with the doctor on his plan because he needs to go to Children's Hospital in Miami due to the chronic joint pain.  I am praying that God is merciful and my son does not have any of the diseases I have~  I can only pray.  Tom had a wonderful interview this afternoon and will be meeting with the higher-ups in the next several weeks.  The job is in his field, reprographics and the pay is good.  In the meantime I need to go back to work for now in order to lighten my husbands load.  So I am off this afternoon to an interview at Bloomingdales.  The kids are on summer break and we are awaiting Amanda's high school diploma! Wow~ that went by in a blink.  Austin and Gabby will continue to school at home...just some rest for the summer needed for them and me.  Mom continues to see her beau and will more than likely be taking a job on the West coast.  I have just given this over to the Lord~  Really...did I ever think I was in control?!  I am learning each and every day that I am not..and to leave it in his hands.   It hasn't been an easy lesson; to say the very least!  I have also applied for a position at church working in the children's ministry but they won't be hiring until the fall....so I wait.  Tonight is church for the girls...Mandy has choir practice and Gabby is going to start attending the high school youth group.  I am hoping that Austin will tag along~ he is shy and uninterested...I pray daily for my children that the Lord would keep them with him at all times.  It is never easy this life we lead and all I can do is place our lives daily in his hands....and on that note I need to be off and running to get ready for my interview.

Road Trip~

The girls and I are off  later this afternoon~ can't wait!  Austin will be staying with my aunt so no worries there and Tom will be taking care of the pets.  We are just so excited to be getting out of town and away from all the hustle and bustle of everyday life...if only for the next few days.  Mandy will be having her graduation pictures done and Gabby will be along for the enjoyment.  It has been quite sometime since we have had some girls only time so we are looking forward to it.  Mom will be home on Monday afternoon and things will never be the same....she has gotten herself a boyfriend~ Yes! that is what I said..I am afraid that she has forever changed her relationship with the children.  I can't begin to know what she is thinking or feeling and at this point; I am taking a big leap back and concentrating on my husband and children.  I am curious to see what it is like in the town my girlfriend lives in as we were supposed to move there before dad passed away.  I know the company Tom is working for has a location about forty-five minutes away in Orlando....food for thought.  Tom is doing well in his job..some days are better than others sales wise but God is good and his provision continues.  I have started to watch my niece for my brother and his wife and that is a little extra income.  She is very cute and I am enjoying spending time with her. Well~ off I go to pack...I always wait till the last minute.

Faithful~

Life lately has been moving along at a pace that really seems frantic to say the least! Mom will be leaving tomorrow for the west coast to apply for a teaching position with several colleges.  I am hoping and praying that the Lord provides her with work.  Since dad has been gone; mom has been all over the place with her emotions.  At times I have wanted to just retreat from it all but I can't....who else would be there~  So in the end although I will miss her and I know she will miss us it would be a very good thing.  She has always enjoyed teaching and her students always love her and her teaching style.  She is going to be staying with a missionary couple in their guest house.  She'll have company when she wants and space when she needs it.  We will be pet sitting while she is away and I will be tending to dad's garden.  His garden is looking beautiful with the flowers blooming.  I have been on the mend at home.  God is good and continues to meet our every need. Tom is doing very well at his job~ his co-worker and bosses all like him.  He has always been a people person.  I was forced to resign because as a new employee I only had so much leave...I must say I have had a struggle with feeling like a failure but I keep reminding myself that God is in control.  I left on good terms; so who knows what might happen.  For now I am trying to be content in knowing that my husband, children and home are being well taken care of~I continue to pray for the kids as there have been so many different transitions but I am seeing God work in them all.  Mandy will be officially graduated in  June...where did all the time go?  Austin and Gabby will be studying through the summer with my help.  I am hoping to get away with the girls next week to visit a dear friend who will be taking Amanda's senior pictures.  Can't wait!  It will be our first road trip together in over a year.  So many changes these last several months but God continues his faithfulness to me.

Gabby's Journals~

Found a neat site today while looking for journals for the Gabber; called cafe express. cafeexpress.com  She loves to write and collect her journals...we have been in and out of many a bookstore looking high and low for her next journal.  Gabs loves to write her poems, thoughts and stories but they all have to be stored in something special...any old notebook just doesn't cut it for the Gabber.  So I was happy that I found something!  Yeah~ for me the mom.  Can't wait to surprise her...as she was hinting the other day that she had nothing to write in. ...she is so funny she gets her inspiration by how it looks~ but I have to say I can understand; something pretty always inspires.

Bloom where your planted~

Bloom where your planted~ I am sure we have all have heard the saying many times.  It has really begun at this stage in my life to take on true meaning.  God has seen me through so many changes these past three years~ I have lost many dear loved ones.....we have lost our business , our home....our old way of life~ but we've gained much.  I have learned to rely on God for all things..and I have learned to pray more fervently than ever before.  I have learned that I am not in control of anything....I use to believe that I had some control but we all know that was nothing more that allusion on my part.  My heavenly Father has seen me through many changes and through it all he has supplied the strength I need because I know I can't handle life without him.  So if all these hard times...the heartbreak the losses I have suffered can be used by the Lord to encourage others....so be it. I know my God is bigger than all things...and I know that he will continue to sustain me and our family.  I am going to bloom where he has planted me~

Sunday~

It has been a very busy week~ I have had mom in the hospital with salmonella poisoning since Wednesday night.  I was at the hospital with her until six am...oh my~  Thank God that I have been on a leave for work for a flare...yuck!  Tomorrow back to work...really no rest to have been had this week with the back and forth.  My doctor wanted to increase my steroids again..but! after losing twenty-five pounds and seeing all the complications dad had after twenty-two years of having to be on them; I have decided enough is enough and I will just have to deal with the pain.  Work was not accommodating at first but I am so thankful for the ADA act and the head human resources department has been more than accommodating offering me four weeks off~ but I need to work and unless I am in a bad way..I will.  Tom's job is going well although he had a slow week..but in sales that is to be expected at times...I am trying to encourage him. Amanda has resolved herself to not attending graduation ceremonies...she says she is beyond that point in her life and just wants to get on with her life...especially with dad gone.  She is continuing to work at the church..that is where her heart is~ and than would like to do some missions work.  Austin's sleep schedule is off again..my poor son but I don't see the point in stressing him out anymore than he is....Life is too short!  Gabby continues to go to her weekly girls group at church~  I just pray daily that the Lord would bring her and Austin some godly friends like Amanda has~  they both could use some company although they are each other's best friends.  Mom is going to start looking for teaching work...I believe that this will help her a great deal to have something to do...something that she enjoys.  Meanwhile my aunt (dad's sister) has to go for tests. The doctor found a spot on her breast and it looks suspicious.  I am praying that it is nothing...she smokes all the time.  Life is never easy...just don't know how people handle it without God.  I know that I never could....I know my limitations and without him and faith; I am nothing.

April 2~

Yesterday was a difficult day~ it would have been my parents 44th wedding anniversary...I spent the day running and running some more at work but it still was difficult.  I don't know~  been missing my dad so much lately...he has been in my thoughts...my dreams..very difficult knowing that I will not be seeing him everyday like days past.  He was our families rock..the one we went to for advice..the one we shared so many things with~  I know in my heart of hearts that he is no longer suffering and whole again but!  it is so hard...and some days are better than others.  Seeing how some in the family have reacted to his death has been a little disconcerting...that some of my siblings can't see to help my mother is beyond me but I suppose having a "Christian" worldview and is what is the influencing factor in how I live and how my parents taught me to live and  I am trying to remember that my brothers don't have this~  I know that God is still in control and will take care of my mom and is giving her the strength she needs..and I suppose that there will always be a missing piece in our family that only dad could fill~  I am thankful for the memories and I am so very thankful for all the time that my children had with him.  He was able to influence in many positive ways and I do believe that they will take this with them throughout their lives.

Trust~

Patience is more than endurance. A saint's life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains, and every now and again the saint says--'I cannot stand anymore.' God does not heed, He goes on stretching till His purpose is in sight, then He lets fly. Trust yourself in God's hands. Maintain your relationship to Jesus Christ by the patience of faith. 'Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him." Oswald Chambers

Balancing~

Balancing~ it is a balancing act I have been doing these past couple of weeks...it had been twenty years since I worked outside the home.  When we had our business I worked my own hours at my own pace~ those days are long gone...and so now it begins again...except this time we are a family of five with three teenagers ....need I say more?! ha ha  So I am once again getting into a rhythm and learning all over again how to balance life with work.  It hasn't been easy but the kids are trying to be as helpful as three teens can~  I am exhausted by the end of the day...feet absolutely killing me.. but!  feels so good to know both Tom and I are bringing home a paycheck...God's provision is amazing.  I like my job talking and helping people all day...I am a people person..and I am doing very well at sales.  So thank you Lord for placing me right where you have at this time in my life~  The Lord knows just what we need and is always there to provide.

A good tired~

God is good~  I know that I have been not around for quite sometime....but there is a reason~  so many changes going on around this neck of the woods.....Tom and I both have jobs!!  Praise God!  I am rejoicing tonight....tired but it is a good tired.  As I write Tom and and Austin are sharing some down-time together at mom's and Gabby is sitting here keeping me company....mom is on her computer and Mandy on her's~  everyone is occupied but together.  I am sore but the Lord gave me the strength to make it through the day....and I was greeted very warmly by fellow employees which made it much easier to ease back into the world of full-time employment.  I was sharing with a friend the other day that I would not have foreseen all of this~ and than she shared that the Lord knew what would happen and how we would deal with it and just what we needed....yes~ I can see that...had I known what was around the corner...well~ I may have not kept going but with his strength and only that to sustain me...I did keep going and we are getting by and Lord willing we will look back at this time as a time of growth...as a time where we learned to rely on him for all things.  I sit here tonight thankful and realizing that the Lord is responsible for the blessings in our lives...big and little and I have learned to be truly thankful for them all~

Don’t send opportunity away

Don’t send opportunity away

Thankful~

I am so thankful today as I look back over the past several days and can see the Lord's hand in it~  I had an interview set for Wednesday for Macy's to work in their office...just something part-time to help out with the bills...well~  got there and the young lady interviewing was young...and unprepared and somewhat unprofessional but!  I was here for a job so I kept it too myself and just was screaming in my head. ha ha  She said I was only her second interview and that she may not get back to me for weeks~  and than she actually for some reason looked at my resume....She saw I had managed a swimwear boutique...oh so long ago~  and asked me to come back in an hour for an interview with the lingerie manager for a full-time position.  I have to been honest...I was not excited about the prospect of bras and panties but!  it's a job and I needed one desperately so I said of course I would come back~  so I went back and waited and waited and waited some more....as I am waiting a women strikes up a conversation with me and asks why am I waiting so long~  who am I waiting for and than she sits down to talk....I told her and she says to me~  you don't really want to work there?  I answer honestly and tell her no but I need a job!  She than explains to me that she is the store manager....The Lord is good!  She tells me that she doesn't want to see me stuck for ninety days and that she knows I will hate it and quit~  so why don't I let her find me a place in the store that is full-time ...where I will be happy and can make money.  My goodness~  she than has me interview with the manager for lingerie anyway so that they can stamp my papers for hire....and the manager tells me that they will be calling me as soon as they find someplace for me....it could be a day or a week.  I leave and get a phone call that night~ so I go back and meet with department head who tells me that the manager wants me in and that they don't normally do this because the position is considered a promotion and they don't hire from the outside...I get to meet the vendor for Ralph Lauren and we hit it off and now I have a job....They hired me as a Ralph Lauren specialist~  So happy!  I have work...and just in time as Tom's unemployment has been suspended until next month sometime.  God intervened .....Monday as I was driving...having a heart to heart with the Lord...I told our needs~  So thank you Lord for listening!

Rambling thoughts~

Mom left bright and early this morning for North Carolina to visit my aunt and uncle.  Tom and I dropped her off at the airport at 5:30!  So it has been quite a long day.  I was so happy that my aunt and uncle sent her a plane ticket.....she can really use time away and time with her sister.  She had not seen her for almost eight years because dad could no longer travel easily.  I am hoping and praying that this will be a good time of fellowship for her and time spent healing.  It has been a very hard several days for me~  Can't explain it but I have been missing dad so much..... I miss him daily but it has been very painful as of late....I miss his presence and his strength.  Even as his health continued to decline; he was the strongest man I have ever known.  I suppose it could be all the changes.....or it is just maybe that I miss him and will continue too~  Tom got a call yesterday and he has an interview tomorrow afternoon at three for a management position with the UPS store.  I continue to pray for full-time employment for him and for our family.  I am faced with do I go back to school or not....I am praying for direction.  The kiddies at church tonight were for the most part calm....I am so thankful for this as I am still under the weather from bronchitis....and exhausted from getting up at four this morning after only sleeping for several hours.  Thank you Lord~  Tomorrow I will be watching the munchkin my niece, Summer Elizabeth Ann.  She is a sweetie and too cute~  My dad would have absolutely been getting a kick out of her antics.  I praise God that he got to spend almost a whole year with her and she got to love on her papa.  I am thankful that my children got to enjoy their childhood with my dad....all the trips and memories we made and I can close my eyes and remember them all~  My children are blessed and so are we...God gave the gift of time and although I wish that He would have given more...I can look back through the years and realize how blessed we were and are.....

Reflections~

Amanda was reflecting tonight about this time last year~ her and I were keeping vigil at dad's bedside at the hospital as he overcame a horrible infection.  It has been a hard eight weeks....yes, that is all....eight weeks that he has been gone.  There are days when it seems that I just saw him and kissed him goodnight and other days when it seems a lifetime since I had seen him last.  So many changes....we were able to move; which I am so thankful for~ across the street from mom...God very much orchestrated this as she needs us so much.  The kids are starting to settle into a routine again~  their very own routine but I have always been a flexible parent~  I don't want to major in the minors.  But!  We all still miss him so~  There are days that really are very hard...today was one of them.  Mom has the business dad left her...but I have a brother who is a non-believer who thinks it is rightly his.....I pray and pray each day that the Lord would just lift him up out of the business and place him elsewhere.....he has made my mother's life very difficult.  I wonder at times where this particular relation came from as he is so different that the rest of us....very discontented....very hard to get along with....never anything nice to say....my dad has been gone such a short time and his presence is missed so dearly and yet my brother finds it so easy to disparage him.....Our family needs prayer dear sisters~  I am heartbroken over this situation.  I will continue to take it before the Lord and I pray for my mothers protection....emotional and financially.....As well as for continued good health.....it was a great deal for mom to care for dad especially these last few years and yet he has no compassion......Dad was a very compassionate person; who taught his children to be the same...so I am at a loss~  I remember him as someone who loved his family first and foremost.  Dad would have done anything for his children, grandchildren....mother...father....sibling~  This Valentines Day is the first for mom without him...she had a dear friend invite her dinner.  I am very grateful for this dear woman who has taken my mom to her heart and has really been there to keep her busy.  Lord I am asking for a resolution to this problem....And I thank you for the wonderful memories you've given me and for the lessons that I learned through dad's life~

Gabby's 14th Birthday

Changes~

Changes are difficult~ just plain hard.....we've had a great deal of changes around here as of late~ I've lost my grandma....my father...our home...our business...it seems at times overwhelming.  There are times when I think I just cannot keep on keeping on but I do~ for the sake of my family.  I thank the Lord for strength during those times~  I thank my friends for praying...because I so need it~  We are in our new home..boxes everywhere..waiting for me to unpack them.  So many changes~  Austin now has a room at mom's across the way.  I miss falling asleep knowing my children are under one roof.  I can only hope that is temporary...that in time we will once again be under one roof.  I miss him coming into my room late at night when he can't sleep and talking my ear off about his games and stories he is writing.  So many changes~ that I am finding it hard to get used too~  I pray that Tom will find work..I pray each and everyday for my children and family...but I am so tired~ mentally, emotionally and spiritually....that at times I cannot see anything giving way...to my life settling down and becoming "normal" again.  Each day I rise and do what needs to be done with God's grace but I so miss the joy I used to have~

The Process~

Grieving is a process that I am finding to be hard~  each person does it in their own way.  Many in the family have found destructive ways to grieve...it is very sad because I know that my father would not approve.  Sadly; there are those who seem to think we should just move along...just forget and suppress our feelings.  I am not one of them.  I think of my father throughout the day~ and I miss him terribly but I remind myself that he is healthy again~ and that makes me happy to think of him...walking again and healthy again and with my grandparents.  God's mercies to those of us who "believe" are evident in the little and the big.  I am so thankful to be reminded that God loves us and is interested in all aspects of our lives.  I spent the past eight days with Gabby, our youngest at the hospital.  She woke up last Saturday with horrible pain and just like we thought it was her appendix...the doctor took it out and it not only ruptured but also caused and very bad infection in the incision.  She was on very strong antibiotics...four of them! for these past eight days.  God is good though~  the medications worked and now she is resting comfortably.  Many wonder how I keep going..and I can tell you simply it is the grace of God.  Pure and simple..without my Lord I would not be able to get up some days...My Lord is amazing~ He takes me through each and everyday; no matter what it might hold.