Christmas times~

Wow~ Christmas has come and gone....Tom the kids and I spent Christmas Eve at church. It was a wonderful service...just love Christmas Eve traditions. Amanda sung in the choir as she has done for the past two years..it is wonderful to watch her development her faith and devotion to the Lord. I just love this time of year as each week we celebrated and lit an advent candle at church and then the candle-light service. We went to see our family at dad's and mom's for a bit and than back home to continue our families traditions. Tom and the kids went to look at lights as they have every year since the we have had children~ and than they come home and we read Luke and a blessing of Psalm 20. And than the children open their stockings and than their gifts. I surprised Tom and the kids with a Wi and they have really been enjoying it together. I was up baking until four-thirty for the nursing home...but! got it all done. They have taken such good care of grandma I want them to know it is appreciated....because they just don't take care of her but you can see that they really care for her...and for that I am blessed~ I baked cookies and pumpkin bread and muffins and put it on trays with candies...I had baked on Christmas Eve also but there are two different sixteen hour shifts so I wanted to make sure to cover both. I saw grandma both days..knowing that her time of being able to travel out longer is feasible. It is too uncomfortable for her and I don't want to cause her any undue stress. She was so happy when we opened her stocking and her Christmas gifts have yet to be opened because of her being too tired and over-excited but they will keep for later this week. Everyone had been to see her with the exception of my parents..which makes me very sad for grandma although I am sure that she can't remember that they haven't been to see her in over eight months~ But..only so much I know that I can do and I can't allow myself to get too stressed either because I have her and the children to take care of~ We spent the day with my parents as Tom and I believe it is important that the children have as much time as possible with my dad as it is easy to see the Lord may be calling him home soon. Yesterday we had a lovely time with Chris and the children opening gifts and having a Chinese feast! I was just too tired and could not cook...life is just too short to worry and so we ordered out and it was an absolute blessing. Today is finally a day to just rest...nothing to get done but to spend some quiet time with our family. I know that I will be paying a price for all the running around but I am so grateful that the Lord allowed me to get everything done I wanted and needed to do~ It has been a lovely month...The Lord has blessed us with a job for Tom and the children with good family times and God has given me the stamina to make it through and for all these many things...I can only praise him~

Ups and Downs

It has been a week with many ups and downs... The girls and I spent all night on Thursday baking cookies at my mom's house...flour everywhere but some very good cookies and the girls had a lot of fun and so did mom. Tom started his new job and it went amazingly well. He thinks that they may be training him to manage a center for the environmental lab. Austie has begun to sleep at normal times. Praise God! Such an answer to prayer...it took his daddy getting a job for him to start to feel secure again. So understandable as Tom used to work ten to fifteen hour days..so the loss of work really rocked the kids world. It has been a rough week for me with pain levels. It seems that Lupus is rearing it's ugly head again and I am beginning to have some complications. I haven't been in this much pain since June when I was in the hospital. I am praying that I would be pain free for the rest of the week with Christmas right around the corner....as well as hoping to see grandma. I know she is being taken care of but she needs company and unfortunately everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives she doesn't get too many visitors...and then the excuse I hear is that it is too heartbreaking to visit her~ so I am praying for strength for the days ahead. Tom's mom has been giving our family quite a bit of grief lately...so unfortunate. She can be quite mean and she says it's all in the name of Jesus....I don't understand because although I can disagree with my parents on different issues they are never mean. We were to have dinner with her this weekend and the children refused to go...we decided to support our children...she had said some very unkind words to them and than justified it because she believes it was said with love....I don't understand~ Today at church we were reminded to choose our words carefully and to encourage each other. Really is this not what we as Christians are commanded to do? I always try to remind the kids of this because kids can be tough on each other..especially siblings~ The fruits of the spirit...two of them are gentleness and kindness..I love my children and I don't understand how she can be like this but I have encouraged the kids to not allow themselves to dwell on what has happened..it's no good to let things fester we need to release our hurts to the Lord. I am hoping that they will do that~

"Words of affirmation enhance relationships. Harsh, condemning words destroy relationships."
Gary Chapman

Eph. 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Provision for the Journey~

Well~ I know I have been missing as of late...so much has been going on~ My Austin celebrated his 15th birthday December the 7th...my Pearl Harbor day boy! As he is so very politically active...the Lord knew what he was doing when he gave him that birthday. He is becoming such a wonderful young man~ I am so blessed to have him ...each and everyday he keeps me such wonderful company and the conversations we have~ I know it is a result of a great deal of prayer and not to mention that I am blessed to be able to homeschool the children. They have such a different perspective than most of their peers~ It had gotten quite stressful here as I have had one flare after the other and not been able to keep the high pace that I had been keeping..which has been quite depressing for me. I feel as if I am letting grandma down as I have only been able to visit once or twice a week these past two weeks due to feeling so ill~ and than of course my dad has been going through a great deal. He had surgery on the main artery of his right arm last week for the dialysis. It will take several weeks for it to heal. I continually pray for strength for him and my mom. My mom especially has been suffering to see dad go through this ordeal. I know that I must continually stay in the Word because it is during the times when I miss reading that I began to feel weary. So onward! I received an email about a dear friend and a major encourager Chris Klicka today...Chris lost his battle with MS in October and his dear wife and seven children must get through the holidays without their dear father and Tracey without her dear husband. Never did anyone hear Chris complain ...not when he was suffering immense pain...not when he would fall down....never! He always was the first to talk about God's goodness and grace~ As I was remembering Chris yesterday and today I thought what right do I have to complain. God is gracious meeting me daily where I need Him. I may not have riches or even "perfect" health but He knew me before I was even a thought to my earthly parents...so He will give me the grace when I need it and will see me through each moment that I cry out to Him...and that I tell everyone is a great deal! I am praying that the Lord would begin to prepare a new home for our family as I believe the time is drawing near when we will have to move out~ We had a photographer from the bank show up yesterday to take pictures...I believe that the Lord will provide...it is not as if I am attached to the home..after the hurricanes of 2005 our home has had mold ever since which I know is not good for anyones health so I am ready to move on...just praying for the Lord's provision. My hubby is enjoying his new job. We are praying that it will turn into a full-time position. Once again the Lord's provision is right on time when we need it. The company has provided a work vehicle and a gas card and a GPS and I believe also a phone! Wow~ He will be looking for a night job as well..so we will see what happens. I know the Lord commands us to not look to yesterday or tomorrow and I understand like never before the why behind it~

2 Chronicles 20:20
Believe in the Lord God and stand firm.

It's official~

Christmas has arrived..not in my home yet with the exception of the kids listening to Christmas music non-stop. Never made it out of the house today...it is Wednesday and I am recovering from my Tuesday night meds. So as grandma would say..tomorrow is another day. I am hoping to surprise the kids with a Christmas tree after I go to the doctor tomorrow. Tom had to go over to dad's today when he got out of dialysis because he was too weak to get out of the car and inside~ he had to place dad into his electric wheelchair and into the house. The girls and I worked on schoolwork but for the most part Wednesday is the day the kids and Tom just let me rest for which I am so thankful for because I am exhausted. I am hoping that seeing these new doctors will give me a new perspective on my disease. Perhaps, some new treatments there hasn't been one in fifty years and I so want my life back! I have to remind myself though I am not where I was five years ago....I couldn't get up off the couch...so I am thankful! The kids and Tom have a big day planned for Saturday as the Gators are playing for the championship..there will be a lot of hooting and hollering. Mandy had practice tonight at church the choir is getting ready for Christmas. I can't believe that we are just several weeks out..where did the year go? I hope and pray that the New Year brings much joy and blessings not only for our family but so many that are struggling as well with job losses, illness, family issues~ I pray that this very Christmas season there would be a really spiritual awakening...this country so needs to turn back to the Lord.

Today~

Gabby and I had a lovely day today. I was able to take her to her horseback riding lesson and finally meet her teacher and see her ride. She did really well~ she is just too hard on herself...wanting to be perfect after only four lessons. I treated her to Mickey D's on the way and than we went to the mall after her lesson for a bit...it was so important for us to spend some alone time together. We went baby shopping for my little brother's soon to be born daughter..found her the cutest little shirt that says "my daddy rocks"~ my brother is going to get such a kick out of it! Wasn't able to see grandma today because I had to go over and check on my dad. He checked himself out of the hospital last night after having an awful experience with a doctor but the kids really cheered him up tonight. Amanda made a wonderful spaghetti sauce tonight in the crock pot. We were able to bring it to my parents for dinner. Tomorrow Lord-willing we will be looking for a Christmas tree...ours finally gave out last year. Grandma's room looks very festive. I put up her tree and tomorrow I will bring her the star to put on top. She has her Nativity set and her Christmas bears..and her Poinsettia. We have our local station that is playing Christmas music twenty-four hours a day~ She is loving it! and is singing along....My Austin will be turning fifteen next week on Pearl Harbor day...my goodness where does the time go?! I look at him and wonder...he is becoming quite the young man....my "little man"...that was always his nickname..now as tall as I am and with a voice deeper than his dad's~ wow...December is very busy in our home..with Austie's b-day and than mine and Tom's and than Christmas..busy, busy, busy. Not to mention that the baby will be here sometime in January or sooner..because you never know the timing of a baby. Joy~ Through good times and difficult times God allows us joy in little and big ways and I am so thankful for these gifts the Father gives us.

Too much~

The kids had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my father~ I dropped them off in the morning and they spent the day cooking with my mom and watching the parade with my dad. Grandma was unable to come..after getting her ready she started to cry and said she could not come out...she would not leave. So I settled her down and tucked her in and put her to bed. It was extremely hard and by the time I got to my parents; I was spent. Friday I got up extremely early and hit the stores with Chris to do some Christmas shopping. Wow~ I got some very good deals..so much better than last year at this time when I couldn't go Christmas shopping early. So I really count myself blessed and our family truly blessed when I think of where we were last year at this time. Tom...thank God! has gotten a part-time job that will start Lord-willing after the 15th. I am so happy! My dad is back in the hospital after falling and breaking his leg and possibly both ankles. I continue to lift him up in prayer. This has been a very difficult road for him and my mother. Meanwhile I tried to take grandma to the doctor with Tom on Friday but she would not go~ I think I need to take a step back when it comes to worrying about grandma's health...I don't mean this in a disattached way but that I need to really place her in the Lord's hands. She doesn't want to keep these appointments and I am causing myself a great deal of stress by trying to force her...so no more. I will stay on top of everything but I need to accept that there may be nothing that I can do but love her in her present state. God will give me the grace to get through..He always does~

Grandma~

She looks like a million bucks! We converted grandma's room today into a beauty spa...my aunt and I did her nails today...I gave her a haircut and did her hair color. Grandma is a dark blond again and she looks at least fifteen years younger. I went shopping today and got her a new dress and she is all set and ready for Thanksgiving. She is so excited about seeing her family. She has not seen my father since August and I am hoping that she will remember him and my mother. I have entrusted her into the Lords hands..she seems to be on the mend mentally much more lucid than she has in weeks. I will be seeing her in the morning for coffee and than I will go back in the afternoon to get her ready for dinner. It will take time to get her ready and I do not want her to be rushed. Tom will go back with me so we will be bringing her together to my parents we have a wheelchair ready for her and a ramp. I am praying that the transition goes well. I am so thankful for her and everything that she taught me as a child, young women and continues to teach me with her attitude toward life. She loves life...loves those around her and more than anything she loves her Lord and Saviour.

"It is not what we do that determines who we are. It is what we are that determines what we do."
~Neil Anderson

My pastor read this quote in church...it really got me thinking~ Am I really living out my Christian faith in every aspect of my life? I am determined that I will try to be the wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend that God has called me to be~ Nothing in life is easy I have at least have found this to be the case...but it is not the circumstances that surround us that should dictate how we live but rather we need to remember to respond and live the way that the Lord would have us too~ This really speaks volumes to those around us. This is our true testimony ...when things are not the way perhaps that we would want them to be...how do we...or rather I respond? As we are approaching Thanksgiving this Thursday...I am going to really try to remember to be thankful for all the Father has given me rather than looking at the things that I don't have..or wish I had~

2 Cor. 5:17
Therefore, if anyone be in Christ, he is a new creation, the old is gone and the new is come!

Busy Busy Busy~

My goodness have we been busy as of late~ ok...we have been busier than usual. The girls and I left for Melbourne for a meeting I had on Thursday..it went well and the girls were able to earn a little spending money as well~ Thursday night I took a tumble trying to save a friends dog from running out into the street. It looked as if I was flying the way I tripped and fell...gave my friend a heart-attack. I had to take gravel out of my hands~ Ouch! I am on the mend. Friday I found out Glen Beck was coming to town and the girls and I went and waited along with a thousand others to see him and have him sign a book for Austin's birthday. We got number 683...yes that's right! Since I can't be in the heat and sun...yes I know funny that the Lord has me in South Florida~ I went to sit inside...this was not allowed without management approval...anyhow, a gentleman asked me what number I was...told him and he was nice enough to give his extra number of 473...much better. Glen was great~ We mentioned to him that we home school and he went crazy...his family homeschools~ He had us meet with his producer and he is going to be getting in touch because they are planning on doing a show on homeschooling! The kids were beyond themselves with excitement. So we had a very busy two days. Saturday I spent the day with my ankle and knee up and Amanda and I watched the service online while Tom, Gabby and Austin went to church. Today Chris made a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner for all of us...she will not have the children for Thanksgiving on Thursday. Divorce is tragic...everyone suffers...Chris will be spending Thanksgiving alone because we will be visiting my parents. Grandma did really well with my being away overnight~ this is such a blessing because I need to be able to get away once and a while to simply distress. Just overnight was wonderful! I spent the evening with her tonight and her color was good...she ate today which is wonderful because I really would love to get the feeding tube out. We are going to be coloring her hair this week and doing her nails for Thanksgiving. She is going blond again! I am so happy that she wants to do this~ she hasn't wanted to have her hair done in a very long time. She was very lucid tonight and we had a really great conversation. I am praying that the family is sensitive to her on Thanksgiving and makes allowances if it is not one of her good days. I will be praying.

Our Soldiers~

May we never forget those who have served our nation. May we never forget those who have given their lives. May we always honor them. We need to as a Nation take care of those who have given everything that we can remain free. I hope and pray that we remember to be thankful to those in our armed services.

Mondays~

Today has been quite the busy day with lots still to do~ the kids have told me that there is Nothing in the house to eat! Don't you love it when they say this?! I have a cupboard full of things that simply don't appeal to them because it requires some cooking....but they have a point...so off to the grocery store I will go this afternoon..along with laundry and visiting grandma and cooking dinner...and did I mention I took my closet and drawers apart today? I don't know what got into me.....hahaha I guess I just could not take it anymore~ Tom had an email from Minnesota about a job interview for tomorrow and no sooner did he get this email than he got another cancelling but God is in control...and it is extremely cold there! He is waiting to hear back from the job interview from last week...and I believe they are speaking on the phone as I type...the kids are all doing their schoolwork but it is definitely a Monday and they are having a hard time getting into the swing of things. My brother is calling me and even said I could see the munchkins this week while he had them....go figure. I am a little leery given all he has been into but I am the older sister and the Christian so I will proceed with caution but I know I need to show him the love of Christ...after all I have been praying for an opportunity to minister to him for two years. This week will be a crazy one with having to go to a board meeting on Thursday and not returning home until Sunday. I will have family members checking in on grandma. I am hoping that she will be fine without seeing me for that many days. Last night I read to her and prayed with her but she is still not where she was~ It is so hard at times to sit there and not have her be able to converse as she once did...I really miss her. It is extremely hard for me to accept that this may be something that continues something that will not go away...that the person she was is lost to me forever...I know that all I can do is continue to trust the Lord. Continue to place her daily in His hands...like every other aspect of my life I need to remember to turn it over to Him.

Happy Birthday Haley!

We spent a wonderful afternoon with Chris and the munchkins~ it was Haley's birthday on Thursday and we had the absolute pleasure of spending part of the day with them. I hadn't seen the kids in weeks with them being sick or with them being with their dad and colds floating around here too~ I miss them so when I don't get to see them...they are too much! They were as happy to see us as we were to see them...we had a great day...Haley decided to have taco's and tostada's it was delicious. Chris is an excellent cook and she made Haley a lovely birthday cake. Eddie watched the football game with his uncle Tommy and played with Gabby the girls roamed from person to person and Amanda kept Chris and I company. It was a wonderful afternoon and just what we all needed.

Waiting~

Waiting~ No one likes it...at least no one I know but it is an important skill...one which I have tried to teach my children and one which our heavenly Father is teaching me. "Wait on the Lord and be of good courage"~ Tom and I are waiting on the Lord. It has not been easy but God is ever faithful. He has provided our needs along the way in many different ways. When we began this journey this season in our lives..I was a person who had to be in control..someone who liked to know what lie up ahead...not that I wasn't flexible but this is a new and different flexibility..one that has required much of me. I've stretched and grown in ways that I did not think were possible~ Do I like this season in my life...Not really but I cling to the fact that God's word tells me that we are strangers in the land and that while we are here there will be troubles for God's people But! along the way the Lord has given us joys..many joys! Our children, our friends, our family..many cherished memories and I am sure many more will be made. I have learned that many of the ways I had before...I will never repeat..the little things I took for granted I will no longer~ So though this is a hard road God's grace is more than sufficient and He will never leave us nor forsake us. We as a Christian community need to pull together and be honest and be there for each other..when times get tough not only do we need to hit our knees but we need to reach out and be sensitive and loving and kind~ I know that I have been guilty of getting so wrapped up in what is going on in my life that I think I don't have time for anything else but the Lord has taught me to look outside my problems... and reach out and help others and in doing this I am taking my eyes of my problems and focusing on serving. God has blessed us and taken care of us most when we have done this~ It is not a magic formula but simply living the way we have been commanded too~ I don't know the next chapter the Lord has for us but I am constantly reminded to trust Only in Him.

The times are a changin~

Things here at home have been quite hectic~running to and fro...from grandma to visiting with family....taking care of the kids and Tom. I am wiped out! Tom had an unexpected call today...someone saw his resume posted somewhere on the net and called..turns out he is looking for someone to manage his print shop and the funny thing is what he liked most on the resume besides all the years of experience was the fact that he went to church....small world ....he also goes to our church though we have never met! So tomorrow afternoon Tom will be meeting with him..bonus the job is only thirty minutes from home. So it's in God's hands~ We want to be where He wants us. Grandma is not doing so well..she continues to decline in her mental health and it is really very disconcerting. Grandma went from conversing with me to not be able to this last week. She continues to be very agitated and only settles down when she sees me and we pray and read the book of Psalms. It's been so hard especially since no one else wants to see her in this condition...and now until she settles down it is very hard to take the children when she is so very upset. So I go everyday and visit and pray and trust that the Lord will take care of her. Well, tonight is Tuesday which means it is my Methotrexate night so I am off to a long evening~

Long Week~

It has been a long week..filled with visits good and bad and through it all God has been merciful enough to give me the strength to see me through~ My week started off with taking grandma to the doctor with Tom to only find that she was very sick. I found her in a deep sweat and her pulse racing extremely sick to her stomach and with extreme vertigo. So needless to say she did not make her eye appointment and I sat with her through the afternoon to make sure she was ok~ We gave her two day to recuperate and went finally on Wednesday to the doctor this time they placed her in the van from the facility so that she could stay in her wheelchair....well, they put her in facing the wrong way and once again she suffered vertigo and ended up sick...very sick but we kept the appointment since we were there already...the doctor cannot figure out what is causing her eye pain but prescribed some medicine anyway~ so we are really in no way closer to helping her..it is frustrating because I don't like to see her in such pain. We have been trying to spend a great deal of time with my parents as my father's still no in top shape..but he continues with the dialysis treatments and is really a testimony to everyone around him. We have had several cookouts and I have been cooking up a storm for them...it is really something that I enjoy~ and something everyone around seems to enjoy so if I can do this little thing to ease some of the stress around us through good family time and dinners....Tom continues to apply across the country for jobs...near and far. I am hoping that the Lord would give him favor with one of these companies so that he can find work. Men need to work and I need him to work...he is beginning to feel as if he is useless and this is not good for a man....the kids have had their highs and lows as of late and of course being teenagers this is to be expected but the added stress certainly does not help. We celebrated our anniversary last week and it is bittersweet....so much has happened this last year...God has seen of through a great deal and continues to meet our needs....I am just praying for some down time from the pressures and stress. We so need it...We both feel that we need a fresh start and this is what we have been praying for~ It will be a year in January that Tom has been unemployed we are praying as it approaches that he has a new job and that we are settled.

End to another week~

"Do Not Grow Weary"......

I am so trying to remember this as time goes by without Tom having employment. He has sent out so many resumes.....and each time he gets an email or call our hopes perk up and than .....Nothing~ We know God has a plan for us...what it is I am not sure but we know there's a plan. I keep trying to keep everything in perspective~ there are so many people we know in our position or worse. I am grateful for many things though~ I have a husband who is not a quitter and is a hard worker...a man that loves his family and although not perfect and grumpy at times...I can be too~ Our children are well adjusted especially for all that they have experienced. I am thankful that we home school that in itself has given us such flexibility that we are really able to roll with the punches. The Lord has been extremely merciful where my father is concerned..he is a walking miracle for all that his body has been through~ My grandma God bless her is an absolute pip! She is so loved~ Grandma calls everyone baby and darlin and is always testifying to God's greatness. She is a real inspiration. And I have to praise God that He continues to take me through my health challenges and keeps me going with energy when I need it and lets me rest when that is needed.

Pressing on~

This is the day that the Lord has made...I will rejoice and be glad in it!

It was a late...late morning and a late night~ Enough said! But~ Today is a new day and with God's grace it will be a new beginning to a new day and new week. I have Gabby at the table doing her schoolwork and Tom is cleaning out our desk in the bedroom...Thank you Lord! It was beginning to take over our room~ Austin and Manda are still down for the count. Austin has suffered a bit of a setback with his anxiety disorder but we are battling on....bless his heart the child gets up no matter what time of the day and starts his chores and schoolwork. Mandy is battling a bug and she shared she is depressed...can't blame her...it is a lot to deal with here but she too is trying to press on. I am feeling better than I have in days if only a bit tired but it is a great improvement I am experiencing from last week! So I press on toward the goal~ Thank you Lord for your mercies and kindness even when I am not faithful.

Down for the count~

Well....everyone is now down with the "cold" that we brought home from the doctors office. So it was an extremely lazy day of sleep, TV...books and the kids taking turns climbing in bed with me and vegging~ Heard from mom who sounds very lonely..no company lately as we are sick and we do not want to pass this along to dad in his compromised condition. He had another dialysis treatment on Friday. We don't know how long it will take for the treatments to start to take effect..so we continue to pray and trust that the Lord will see him through~ I feel so bad for not seeing grandma ...it has been three days and I know that she has been having a great deal of issues with her eyes. I will have to make another eye appointment for her. I continue to pray that the Lord would protect her and restore her health and mind. I have a great sense of guilt about her stroke...I wasn't around for weeks as I was in the hospital in Orlando and than here at home....I try not to think about the woulda , coulda, shoulda's but it is hard when I see her having a bad day~ I know that all of these life experiences we have been through will be used by the Lord for our good...it is just that this process of growth can be exhausting! Sometimes I wanna just ask the Lord....can we skip this part?! and move along to the easy part~ I just want our family to be settled. I know the God see's where we're at..I suppose I just really need to not look at where we were..and accept where we're at...and I need to remember that God's timing is perfect~

Friday night~

Another Friday has come...and now it is almost gone~ Spent the day today in bed. Tom and I went to the doctor the other day for his check-up and there was a man hacking and coughing everywhere..needless to say whatever bug he had I caught~ Yuck! So for the most part I tried to rest. Tom spent the day going to a school to check out the health care industry and then off to his mom's where she put him to work in the yard. I had a situation with grandma and one of her nurses...this was long and drawn out due to the nurse thinking she knew better than the doctors in charge and her superiors...same nurse I had problems with last week. Oh, how I wish we could bring grandma home but because of the uncertainty of the work situation and housing..we have to wait. It has been a hard day, week, month...last ten months....no employment for my husband...and just when we think that he has a job it falls through~ I know that God has a plan for us...I just wish the Lord would show it to us....I need the Lord to give Tom a job! It is not that God's provision is not there...it is just that a man needs to work. I am just feeling very stressed today and weary and worn...I am asking God to reveal Himself to us~

Going Home~

A dear saint went home today to be with the Lord~ I am certain that heaven was rejoicing at his homecoming. Chris Klicka a man of God a man who stood up for the rights of so many through the years...as an attorney with HSLDA. A wonderful person who suffered so from MS~ Someone who upon me learning of my diagnosis offered great words of encouragement. I pray for those grieving his wife, Tracey and their eight children...the youngest eleven years old. He will no longer be pain and will once again be healthy...Praising the Lord as he always did..even in his death his testimony speaks volumes. Dear friend thank you for all you did on behalf of so many...I will miss you~

Praise Report~

Wow! It has been a whirl-wind here as of late...if I am not running to the nursing center for grandma~ I have been to the hospital or to walk mom and dad's dog Dalia...but through it all the Lord has been so gracious to give me the strength and fortitude to keep on keeping on! Thank you Lord~ My father was rushed to the hospital last Thursday unable to breathe properly..it was touch and go~ I am so thankful for the Lord's guiding the doctors that are taking care of him to do the tests that needed to be run and give him the medication that was needed. He had surgery on Monday to check his heart for blockages and was found to have a fifty to sixty percent blockage but did not have to have a stint put in..it will simply be handled with medication therapy. Tuesday he had another surgical procedure to put a port in his neck for dialysis and than the dialysis was begun~ It was an extremely painful procedure...the dialysis was done several times using this port and than this afternoon the port was closed in his neck and put in his chest. This has all been extremely hard on dad's system...extreme pain..not breathing properly..no sleep...it was giving him a great deal of anxiety but he was given medication that not only allowed him to breathe but took away the anxiety attacks. Praise God~ He is an extremely private man who has been married to mom for 42 years and so the lack of privacy as a man has also been an issue...I think he is coming through like a champ....like the honorable man that he is~ It has been a testimony to my children the way their papa is walking through this trial in his life. My mom has had many a break-down when she has gotten home..as it is so hard for her to see my father suffer. I continually pray God would give her the strength and grace to get through this season in their lives. My father is a walking and talking miracle and I pray God's blessing be upon him.

Lovely Weekend~

God is so....good~ We had an absolutely lovely weekend! Saturday morning bright and early it was off to the horses...the children were all so happy to be there and the parents ..you could see the joy on their faces. It was a very good day of work and fellowship. We were completely exhausted by days end but it was the good kind. Saturday night Tom, Amanda and Austin went over to dad's to watch the Hurricanes play and than the Gators. Meanwhile, Gabby took a long and unexpected nap while I watched service. ...than shortly after I got a phone call from the munchkin man, my nephew Eddie to say that he had found a kitten. He wanted to know if I had cat food...silly question as I have three cats but I could see where he was headed with this~ I asked him how big was the cat and he answered me...kids are so literal..about six inches long.hahaha So than he said you titi(auntie in Spanish) I am allergic to cats..I said I know~ Well, do you think you could watch this one for me until I find it a home?....OK, I am an absolute sucker for animals and children and he knows it! So I was up around the clock last night taking care of this little baby kitten . The kids have named her Pumpkin~ the chances of us getting rid of her are slim to none as hubby has also taken a liking to her! She is a cutie though...I say this as I am typing lets see how I feel when I need to feed her at two in the morning. Amanda and I took her to see grandma who loved her..and it really was therapeutic for her. Animals really do have the ability to aid in the healing process. So we will see...my extended family is having a fit because we already have four animals but we are just the kind of family that loves little creatures~ we are all a bunch of softies. The Lord allows us joy in even the midst of uncertainety and sorrow and for this I am ever so thankful~

The Horses~

Tomorrow is Saturday and it will be our first day back...to the horses ...to the children. Our family had a wonderful and memorable time last year volunteering with special needs children. They all have different issues and needs but one thing for sure these children are special~ Not in the way most people would think but in every way imaginable. They are some of the most loving children and adults you will ever meet. I have one young lady that comes to mind..that is always asking ..how I am doing...how could she pray for me and would I like her to right now~ Not thinking of herself ...but of me and my family! These children have brought me such joy to see them progress..speak..laugh and smile. These are things that we all take for granted but they are a milestone for these children. If only for an afternoon you can see the parents stress slip away from their faces as they know they are somewhere their children will be respected and loved and understood. So tomorrow begins our horse season again..a time where we as a family can give a little back for every blessing God has bestowed upon us but I can't help but think we are the ones that are truly blessed by getting to know these wonderful and loving kids~

Friends~

God is so good to have blessed me with so many godly women friends~ It was one of those days when the kids were arguing and the hubby was beside himself and well let's just say....I needed to vent~ God provided..I firmly believe the Lord is just ok with us being real...with expressing how we are feeling and getting all out. It helps me to be able to walk through and process and make a plan...to be able to really know what the Lord would have me to do ....to have me to be~ I have a dear friend ...who is walking with me through all of this...who understands first-hand and is a true women of God...a true prayer warrior~ a lovely person...a wonderful tried and true friend. I am so thankful the Lord gave me her to encourage and exhort and I can only wish that I can do the same for her. She let me vent and gave me some wonderful advice after really and truly listening too me~ Thank you....thank you.

"AS IRON SHARPENS IRON"

The Munchkins~

Tonight is Monday~ So that can only mean one thing...the munchkins! I watch my nephew..Eddie, age 9..Emily, age 7 and Haley, age 5 soon to be 6. They are my brothers children...he left them and their mother two years ago...but that is a story for another time. Tonight was all about spending time with them. The kids swam and watched cartoons and they talked and laughed up a storm. Little ones are so good for a soul~ They have the ability to give an adult...a different perspective. It brings me such joy to be silly with them...to just step back with them to no pressures...no sorrow just happiness...whether we are creating with play dough..or coloring or just reading together~ I brought them to see grandma tonight..she was so overcome with happiness that she cried~ They were absolute sweethearts too her...the girls sat on her bed with her and massaged her hands and arms with moisturizer and gave her so many hugs and kisses. They talked her ear off~ She had a wonderful time with them. Children ...especially little children are tonic to our souls~

Blue berry pancakes~

Went and spent the evening with grandma after church this evening~ She is doing wonderfully! I just praise God that He is so faithful. He continues to heal her every day ..she continues to improve in her verbal skills and physically she is getting stronger. I have been extremely happy with the vita-hospice care. There nurses have been a wonderful addition to her medical team..she is no longer allowed to be in pain all the time..and I am so grateful for this..the other doctor would just let her suffer with the aches and pains from her previous strokes. I will be taking her on Tuesday with Tom and the kids to her sisters memorial. I don't believe that she knows but I told her we would be going out and that afterward we would go to IHOP~ grandma loves pancakes and hasn't wanted to eat since the stroke in July..well, all she could talk about the rest of the night was blue berry pancakes! And then she offered everyone else pancakes..she gave me such a chuckle. So tomorrow I will be making blue berry pancakes and taking them to her..I hope she will eat them and enjoy as they are her favorites and it is a tradition from when I was little and we would spend the night. I have such wonderful memories that grandma helped create. I am blessed to have her~

Life~

Life~ there are so many joys...so many sorrows...Our Lord never promised that we would have an easy time of it on this earth...after all this is not our home~ we are just here but for a short time..our eternity is to be spent with him. Where there will no longer be suffering but infinite joy...happiness beyond belief and where there will be no sickness...I am contemplating all of this today as I spent time with my father...and he is not doing well~ He looks so very tired...I am praying for a miracle...I have seen the hand of the Lord move before in his life...he is not ready to go..he is so enjoying watching his grandchildren grow...and now with another little one on the way...I pray for God's mercy that He would allow us and my father to have yet many years together~

Let us not forget~

Let us never forget those who lives were cut short due to those who hate....Let us not forget those families who's husbands, wives, mothers, daughters, sons, sisters, brothers will never be able to be loved on again...Let us be ever-diligent to stand guard against allowing our government to forget! For all those who served our country and have lost their lives in service...Let us remember to honor them~ May we never allow ourselves to become com placate in our attitudes toward those who need help...May we always remember to have a heart of compassion...May we always serve instead of waiting to be served...May we always seek to do good ....May we always always seek God for guidance....May we remember to Pray for America!

My Father~

My dad was admitted to the hospital today~ My mom took him to the kidney specialist and he immediately sent him to the emergency room for an echo cardiogram. He spent the whole day having test done. He was finally admitted at 9:30 tonight. Mom is emotionally drained...My mom and dad have been together since they were teenagers. They met when my mom was thirteen and started dating when she was sixteen. They have been through a great deal and have been an example of how we must rise above our circumstances and how to rely on the Lord. They will begin doing dialysis on him tonight more than likely..Please pray. The vein did not lift up from his surgery for the shunt for the dialysis procedure so they will not be able to use that arm~ They will have to use the other arm and insert the needle each time..this is an extremely painful procedure the needle is very long. I am hoping and praying that they will give him something to numb his arm completely. I am trusting that our Lord who is the great physician will heal him and be there for him throughout this ordeal.

His Mercies~

Today as a family we'll spend the day with my parents~ A prayer has been answered because we have reconciled. We have a God who listens too us and answers us ...His timing is always best. My father is home..not doing so well but we are blessed to have him home. His breathing continues to be labored from all the fluid in his body. He will be seeing the doctor on Tuesday and will be discussing beginning blood transfusions. Life is full of the unexpected some good and some not so good but through it all our God gives us the strength to overcome anything with Him by our side. Tom will be leaving tonight after dinner to drive down south to Ft. Lauderdale to spend the night at his mom's house for his interview tomorrow in Miami. I am praying that he will be offered a job. This is his third interview with this company and we are excited by the possibility of him having work. It is all in the Lord's hands we want to be in His will~ We want to be right where He wants us and I am believing that He will provide us with a new home. Went to see grandma last night and she looks very good..her color is so much better and she is speaking better...Praise God! She is too much~ She told me she is praying for Tomas' and that the Lord will give him and job and we will all be together. She wants so...to come back home with us and Tom and I would like that very much. It won't be easy by any means but we both feel she will do so much better around family. We will see what the Lord does~ The kids are loving to her and very patient. I know that this season will pass...God has taken us through so much and His mercies are never ending...When I think where we were and where we are now..He is seeing us through and the provision is constant and amazing..we may not have all we want but we have all that we need and we have enough that we can share with others..and really is that not what we are called to do~ Minister to each other ..Encourage each other and Build each other up.

It Continues~

Well, the medical care here in South Florida is questionable at best at times~ My mom called quite upset to say that they released my dad from the hospital. There was a dispute between the primary who was on call and the doctor at the hospital...so he was sent home with all the issues he went to the hospital with~ My mom had them note that there was dispute between the physicians and if she needs to she said she would call the paramedics. I continue to pray trusting the Lord~

Update~

Just received a phone call from my mom with an update on my dad...his enzmyes were very high so they believe he had a heartache. Please continue to pray~

Urgent Prayer Needed~

My dear sisters in Christ~ I sent before you an urgent prayer request for my father, Carlos..he was taken to the hospital. He is having difficulty breathing and there is the potential of many blood clots. He has already suffered complete kidney failure from his transplant and was awaiting dialysis. My mother also needs a great deal of prayer for strength. Both my parents are believers. My daughter Amanda came to me with this verse and has claimed this promise for her papa. Out of the mouth of our children~

Psalm 41
The Lord sustains him on his sickbed; in his illness you restore him to full health.

So Proud~

I am so proud....of my Gabby! We spent the afternoon working on her blog~ She is my twelve year old aspiring writer. She really is talented and I am not just saying this as her mom...hahaha I know your probably thinking....sure. But! She loves to write...forever in her journal....in notesbooks...on her computer...When she thinks I am not looking. She is writing a story which is quite good...a little sad but~ So..check out her blog~ Projectpeacemakergoingblue@blogspot.com I think you will be very surprised. On another note entirely different we spent this weekend at church being very much encouraged by the teaching of Pastor Brian Houston from Hillsong Australia. He is a very good teacher and just what I needed~ Tom was down last night with another migraine but was able to go this morning. Amanda sang in the choir this weekend so that was an added treat. She is so funny..giving me instructions on how I shouldn't look at her when she is singing or she will burst out laughing. So I looked everywhere but at her but Tom couldn't resist and she said he stared at her the whole time...proud dad that he is~ The munchkins came to church last night first time in a long time for them...I am praying for my sister-in-law that she would just release all the anger and hurt she has toward my brother and just rest in the Lord. I am afraid that she is drifting quite far from the Lord...looking at the wrong things to help to fulfill her. I can only encourage her and pray. Lord-willing we will be off to see my dad this evening..he is not well. I pray the Lord would hear our hearts cry and begin to prepare that arm so that he may have the dialysis. I am praying for strength for my mom during this difficult time. She has no support system besides Tom the kids and I and my two brothers...my other brother is still off doing his own thing. I know my parents have a burden for his salvation. We keep praying and hope that he will see that without the Lord all he has doesn't matter~ It is sad because I miss him and yet he wants nothing to do with us because of my sister-in-law. But she has no family and I won't stop helping her...what would that say about Christians too her...what sort of testimony would that be~ So many needs but God sees them all and in His timing everything will fall into place.

God is faithful~

I walked into my grandma's room today and to my amazement she was sitting in her recliner wearing the new dress Tom had picked out for her. She looked wonderful and she recognized Amanda and I right away. She was so talkative and so happy to see us. She told me she was so happy we had come to see her and that she misses me when she doesn't see me. I knew she would remember that I was unable to come yesterday. But she was concerned for me and my health. And to think the family doesn't think she is improving~ If only they would come and see her...but they find it depressing. I don't know ..grandma has always been my confidant and we have always had such a close relationship. I am truly blessed. She expressed to me that it is frustrating to her that her mind is not working the way she would like it too~ I told her that each day she is improving and our God is faithful and will continue to heal her. I spoke with my mom today and my dad is not doing well at all...he really needs to begin dialysis because the toxins are beginning to cause many problems..such as breathing issues. The doctor wanted him in the hospital today but he refused. He is tired of being poked and prodded. I am praying very hard that the vein that was operated on for the dialysis would lift up..so that they can begin to get all of the toxins out of his body. I know first-hand that we have a mighty God who can do anything. The kids and I are relaxing at home tonight and it has been storming quite a bit. They are going to watch a movie on Disney tonight. Poor Tom has been in bed all day with a horrible migraine..so I am trying to keep the house quiet..which can be hard with teenagers. I am thankful that I am not feeling as poorly as yesterday...I am actually feeling better. Praise God! Tom is waiting still to hear about the job in Kentucky. Whatever happens I know that God is in control. Our God is faithful~

Couch day~

Today is one of those days when I realize...I am someone who has an illness. Woke up this morning feeling ill and exhausted. But I am so thankful that I have a husband that understands and propped me up on the couch to rest. The kids have been cleaning the house today and now we are all just having down time. Tom and Austie are off to my parents house for company and so Austie could get a haircut from my mom. Amanda is baking...of course..brownies. Amanda has always loved baked goods since she was a baby....So now she bakes alot! Gabby and Austin benefit from her efforts. We are still waiting to hear about the job in Kentucky for Tom. I was hoping that they would have called him earlier in the week but we honestly have no choice but to wait. He'll be going to a job fair in Melbourne on Monday. We will see what will happen I know God has something in store for our family. Amanda is very excited she'll be singing this weekend with the choir and we have a special guest from Hillsong. She was hoping to have some friends in but a sick animal has changed their plans but Tom the proud dad will be in the front row. We are getting ready to start back to school shortly and I have been busy selecting curriculum and plotting out our year. It will be exciting~ Amanda is starting her junior year and Austin will be a freshman and Gabby will be starting seventh grade. I can hardly believe it..I honestly don't know where the time went. But I must say Tom and I are really enjoying every moment with them..even with all the teenage hormones! God has been good~ Our children love the Lord and we as a family have been blessed.

Trust~

These are notes from a sermon that helped carry me through some very difficult times...We as believers were never promised a life that would be easy going but He our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ promised to be with us every step along the way~ I hope that this will serve as a blessing and encouragement.

Pastor Todd Mullins
Sermon

1. Expect hard times.
John 16:33
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

2. In the storm you can peace.
Phil.4:6-7
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

3. Through the storm you grow stronger.
Romans 5:3-4
We know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character.

James 1:2-4
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an
opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

4. In your darkest moment, God is doing His greatest works.
Romans 8:28-29
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love and are called according to His purpose for them. For God knew His people in advance, and He chose them to become like His Son....

WHEN THINGS ARE UNCERTAIN ....GOD IS NOT!

No Matter What Storm You Face, God Promises...

To care for you. Matthew 6:28-33
To give you rest. Matthew 11:28
To give you strength Phil. 4:12-13
To bring you joy. Psalms 126:5
To reward your patience. gal. 6:9
To give you wisdom. James 1:5
To be with you always. Isaiah 43:2-3

Footprints~

Footprints in the sand~ Many of us are familiar with the poem..when we saw one set of footprints it was because God was carrying us...I read this aloud to Grandma tonight as it is one of her favorite poems...she said He is carrying me. Yes , the Lord is carrying her through this~ Tonight as we watched church service online because Tom had a migraine it was an uplifting message on marriage...getting through the tough times..having that companionship that is so important..that friendship because when the days are long and there seems to be no end in sight for the troubles of life..I know that I have my very best friend along side me for the adventure we call life. Sometimes I wish it were a little less exciting with all the trials but along the way there have been so much joy with the children...with each other. God is good...these joys give us only a little glimpse of how much we are loved..can you imagine? Our heavenly father loves us and will never leave us nor forsake us..I have seen it in our lives over and over~ When I don't think I can take another step...when I am filled with pain and I lay in bed at night and simply pray..I know He is there and He comforts along the way...It is well with my soul~

What a busy day I had today~ Amanda and I went to visit with grandma for a little while before we were off to the airport to pick up my aunt..grandma's daughter but not before we made a Starbucks run...because I needed some energy! Grandma seemed to be a little less together than yesterday but I think it was to be expected after the very long day she had yesterday. It was nice though when we got there and she had on one of her new dresses that we got her yesterday..she couldn't wait to tell me how much she liked her new dress. Isn't just like us ladies to be cheered up by a new outfit! I was so happy that she was happy~ So Amanda and I picked up Gabby and off we went to the airport where we sat for an hour waiting for my aunt who unknown to us had arrived an hour earlier and did not think to call us to let us know that she had been waiting outside...I keep telling her she needs a cell phone. So she treated the whole family to Chinese food at her house..which was a blessing because I was completely to tired to cook. Than I stopped by to read to grandma before she went to bed...I read the Psalms to her and several hymns and each time I would finish one she would say Praise God! I left her sleeping~ God is good I made through all I had to do..Like the saying goes..Tomorrow is another day but with the Lord it is always doable and always special in one way or another.

Gigi~

Tom and I took grandma to the doctor today to have her eyes checked..just as I thought she has an eye infection. The doctor was very kind to her as was the office staff which makes it so much easier for grandma with everything that she has been through with the stroke. She is progressively getting better..she is speaking a little more each day and starting to piece her thoughts together better. I think it is a shame that my dad is expecting so much from her~ a little too much if you ask me. Grandma recognized both of us and knew us by name..Tom got so happy when grandma called him Tomas~ He and grandma have always been so close..anytime we have needed advice we have always gone to grandma..she is a true woman of God who really loves the Lord. She has given my children a godly example and my children adore their Gigi. I pray each day that the Lord would restore her to complete health. Should Tom get the job in Kentucky we have a lot to consider~ Grandma said when she was well and she knew we might move that she was to go with us..which we had planned all along...it is just a matter of finding a facility of the same quality that she has now. We have further assistance from Vita hospice now...not because she is terminal but due to the severity of her stroke..so they send in extra nurses and therapists to assist in her care which I think keeps the facility more on their toes and gives me greater peace of mind should I be having a bad day and am not able to get there to check in on her~ My grandma..Tom and I promised her we would look after her and it is the very least we can do after all she did for so many people through her life.

Where does our help come from~

Psalm 121

I look to the mountains~
does my help come from there?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth!
He will not let you stumble:
the one who watches over you will not slumber.
Indeed, he who watches over Israel,
never slumbers or sleeps.

The Lord himself watches over you!
The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.
The sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon at night.

The Lord keeps you from all harm
and watches over your life.
The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,
both now and forever~

Praise God that our Lord loves us so much and takes interest in every aspect of our lives. Tom got a call on Friday about a potential job in his field of reprographics in Kentucky. You know it's funny sometimes how God works just when we had given up hope of a job other than trucking the Lord just may open that door. God is merciful~ So we wait to see for the next call...he was told they would need someone immediately and he is ready to go and work. I am off to take care of grandma today..she is not doing well and I may have some tough decisions to make..I pray the Lord will give me wisdom and compassion in all things. I am having a bit of a flare and have been under the weather as of late but even with the lack of energy and pain the Lord has given me strength to get my daily tasks done. God is good and still on the throne! He is mighty and just and I try to remember this through the difficult times and I must also remember to find joy in the everyday...this is something that the Lord has impressed upon me lately...and so I am finding joy~ Thank you Lord for you faithfulness!

Work~

Well...Tom got a call from a recruiter today....Praise God! The company that he was really wanting to call did so we will see what God has planned~ We are ready....for whatever He has in store. He continues to apply here there and everywhere really..simply wanting work. I am not used to seeing my husband not doing anything~ When we had our business he would work ten and fifteen hour days ..so to see him home with nothing to do is "different" to say the least! He'll be going back to Jacksonville next week to take his driving test..can't help but think it is the stress of knowing so much is riding on him passing that is messing him up with a few points here and there...he'll really needs to relax but I know this is easier said than done. So we continue to wait on the Lord~

This is the day~

This is the day that the Lord has made...I will rejoice and be glad in it! After a week of being so very sick to the point where I couldn't get up off the couch..the Lord granted me a wonderful day with the kids and some very wonderfully encouraging and godly girlfriends. We had such a blessed day with our kids and the cousins. I can only go to the beach here in Florida early in the morning or late in the day because the sun and I are not friends~ Can't really take sun ...not good for my illness...so we ventured out early this morning until noon and we had a blast! What a blessing a good day of fellowship can do a soul~

So my heavenly Father I thank you for the many blessings you have given me ...my friends and family and my health~ I am a walking miracle and I must remember that the Lord will never leave my family nor will He forsake us~

Staying focused~

These past several days..I have been having trouble with staying focused...Which is a symptom I believe of my weariness because I am naturally a focused person. I have been praying for sometime for my children that the Lord would keep them on the straight and narrow and the He would keep their eyes ahead of them to Him..so for me to feel like this was defeating to say the very least and than I remember our circumstances and my life begins to swirl around me~ Ever have days like this when you find yourself simply crying out.....Lord are you there? Lord do you see the mess I am ? Lord do you care? Tom was away at school last week..he had failed his air brake test...well, they made him take all five exams again...even though he had passed them all....talk about pressure. My poor husband missed it by two points..and than he got a ticket coming home...he too feels worn and weary...and yet a friend said to me today..hold on your breakthrough is right around the corner...and you know...I believe that...what is that old saying it is always darkest before the dawn~ Our God is a God of miracles one who I believe can do all things...My plaque in the kitchen reads: "GOD ANSWERS KNEE MAIL"....So Lord I am on my knees~

Weekend away~

We are off this weekend to a board meeting...I will presenting the budget that I must become more acquainted with before Saturday. I must say that my head and heart are not in this right now...my grandma continues to not be herself~ Not that I can blame her with all that she has been through and continues to endure. In the grand scheme of things I can keep asking myself why I do the things I do...I know that I have felt called to serve in various areas...and God has opened the doors but I suppose I am feeling just a little worn out...the hospital can do that to you..and the back and forth and now seeing grandma it is just leaving me depleted~ I still need to pack and run errands and of course check in on grandma...Pray on her and let her know I will be back on Sunday~ I know that although she is not speaking that she can hear me as she will respond with appropriate nodding and even smiles~ I miss our communication...I pray the Lord would heal her...So to say that my heart in not in this meeting is an understatement but I know that I need to follow through this is something that needs to get done that way we can continue with being able to help people. Tom and Austin and Gabby and I will drive up at some point tomorrow..Amanda is already there keeping Stephanie company and trying to minister to her~ We will be meeting up and seeing Amanda before she leaves for Kansas city on Saturday and then she will be back on Tuesday. So off we go for our weekend..I am hoping that this will at least give Tom some time with the kids before he leaves for trucking school on Monday. They will really miss their dad if only for a the week~

Believing!

I believe that the Lord will heal grandma and restore her...I believe the Lord has allowed her to live for a reason...I believe that He allowed her to put Tom and I in charge of her care~ I believe without a doubt that He will give me the physical and emotional strength to do what is right for her ...I spent the morning and afternoon at her nursing facility making arrangements for her care...she has been classified as failure to thrive. This is so very serious....all due to poor medical care from a doctor who didn't care...But! I now have a wonderful doctor for her that will do whatever it takes to make her comfortable and happy~ Grandma is still choosing to remain silent because she is upset from the transfer yesterday...I couldn't be with her as we were away and on our way home....I spent time with her today cleaning her room ...organizing her photos and keeping her company...I have her praise music playing continuous as it seems to help her..and when she was speaking she asked to have it on~ She must be on the feeding pump 24/7 to get her caught up nutritionally....don't know how long this may take...no one knows for sure...I will go and see her at some point tomorrow as I must babysit half the day tomorrow...the munchkins will be here....I want them to visit her but I think it might be best when she is more stable and awake...This is so hard...as I didn't envision this for grandma..she always wanting to talk and to know that she won't or can't communicate right now is too much~ I know that I must remain positive and trust the Lord...I suppose I am just tired from the whirlwind of the past several weeks~

PSALM 40

I WAITED PATIENTLY FOR THE LORD TO HELP ME
AND HE TURNED T ME AND HEARD MY CRY
HE LIFTED ME OUT OF THE PIT OF DESPAIR.

OUT OF THE MUD AND THE MIRE
HE SET MY FEET ON SOLID GROUND
AND STEADIED AS I WALKED ALONG.

HE HAS GIVEN ME A NEW SONG TO SING
A HYMN OF PRAISE TO MY GOD.

MANY WILL SEE WHAT THE LORD HAS DONE
AND BE AMAZED.
THEY WILL PUT THEIR TRUST IN THE LORD.

Deception

My Amanda has a dear friend who has been deceived by a very slick, worldly man~ She thinks she can change him...his has taken control of her body , mind and soul~ She needs prayer! She needs to know that God's ways are always without harm, without lies, without compromise~ Her mother and father's hearts are grieving for their daughter....We are all standing for her very soul, her very life before the Lord...We are asking Him to hear the cry of our hearts before Him...We are asking for her protection and for her to be released from this lie that has enveloped her...The devil roams around seeking whom he can devour and he is trying with all his might to break this Christian family apart..Pray with me for Stephanie that the Lord would intervene and that Stephanie would choose God's path over man's~

Godly heritage~

My grandma is such a woman of God~ She has always encouraged me in the big and small...She has been a rock too me when I had no one...She has prayed with me and for me~ She loves the Lord and His ways....What a legacy she has given me and my children ~ Tomorrow at 2:30 she will be having the surgery to have a feeding tube put in her stomach ....we are very happy that it will no longer be in her nose..this is very uncomfortable and has caused her a great deal of pain..so this is a blessing. I pray the the Lord would guide the surgeons hands and that she would recover well and that this would assist her in her nutritional needs as she cannot eat enough by mouth....although tonight when I showed up with a strawberry sundae she ate the whole thing and had another strawberry ice cream as well... along with milk! Praise God!! God is good...she is slowly but surely recovering and she has worth and value in not only the Lord's eyes but to those who love her as well~ I have been playing Christian music for her and reading her the Psalms and it seems to be helping in her recovery...she is moving her fingers and feet to the music and even brushed her hair and stood for a while today! Progress...we are all a work in progress ...I think it would do well for those who question her care to remember this...

Blessings~

God's care for us is simply amazing~ His provision is perfect and always on time....Just when Tom and I think Lord we need you to see us through...He does! I got a phone call from Tom yesterday as I sat here with Grandma ...a very excited phone call~ he had gotten the mail and lo and behold there was a check from social security for me...we had no idea that I had been approved~ last I heard Senator Nelson's office was following up~ well, the amount was based upon what I made when I was working for our business...needless to say what an absolute complete blessing! We can pay our monthly bills and get a bed! We have been sleeping on a very uncomfortable futon...and it may seem silly but I have been praying the Lord would supply us with a bed~ The Lord's provision is always on time....we can get things we need....we can take a breath....Wow! Thank you Jesus for all you have done in our lives....we are a living testimony to God's goodness...His love for His people is something which I am so grateful for~ Grandma continues to heal...her vitals are good and today she is resting and sleeping. We continue to pray for her complete healing and we pray that the Lord gives the doctors the knowledge to know how to care for her....I pray that she would be a living testimony to those who may doubt that she will be healed and that would give the honor and praise and glory to God. She has a love for the Lord that she wears about her...she always took care of those around her and had a heart of hospitality that passed on to those around her~ She was there for me throughout the years when my children were little helping every step of the way...through many moves it was grandma that helped me even after her first several strokes...it was grandma who gave me godly advice on married life...she taught me how to cook and influenced me in ways that I am forever grateful for....I pray the Lord's healing hand be upon her and that He sends His angels to minister to her~ We love you grandma!

Decisions~

When I think I can't be shocked....well~ I am...and yet I shouldn't be because the world has it's view of how things should be done and God has His way..and God's people "should" be following the Lord's ways....Right?
Grandma is not doing well...but she has had a stroke and is suffering from complications of a stroke...so she is having memory issues....she has a weak left side and she cannot swallow...all things that will improve with physical therapy~ and Yet...I am dealing with people who would have me starve her so that she can die "peacefully"~ She had to have a feeding tube put in...because she cannot swallow....so she needs nutrition in order to recover....acceptable measure to insure that she improves and becomes healthy again...and yet....these "people" would have me with hold food...because they find it an extraordinary measure....I am praying for wisdom....I am praying that as I travel this week Grandma improves before I leave....I am praying for her recovery! A woman that loves the Lord with all her heart...a woman that always took care of everyone...Someone that I promised I would make sure was taken care of ....no matter what I will not let her down~ I know that if my grandfather were still alive today he would be outraged by this "unchristian" attitude towards life....I believe that God will give me the fortitude to stand for what is right.

What a week~

What a week! And that is an understatement....Monday morning I got a call that Grandma was not well~ I had put a phone call several weeks ago into her doctor to see if he would run some tests because we felt like something was not right...he was very condescending. So I had decided that when I got home we would change doctors as I am her POA....but of course I ended up in the hospital and sick for several weeks and that went on the back burner. So she started to decline...we were told she had the flu and of course I couldn't visit with all the meds I am on...by Monday evening she was in the hospital~ She should have been admitted on Sunday but when the nursing home called the "doctor"...he refused to admit her even after they told him they believed she was suffering a stroke...."Malpractice"?! I will be filing a complaint with the medical board. Grandma meanwhile is on a feeding tube because she cannot swallow...it is so uncomfortable that she has pulled it out three times...I need wisdom...and we need favor in order to get this doctor to be held accountable. I haven't seen her this sick in a very long time...it is heartbreaking and I need to sign for surgery to put a tube in her stomach on Monday and than Tuesday I leave for a board meeting for five days~ I need strength...I have been running all week and I am tired and feeling a great deal of pain....I am at my brother's house-sitting this weekend...Which is a blessing! I have an actual bed to sleep in because we have had to use a futon at home for the past several months due to not being able to buy one due to Tom's employment situation...so this is like a mini-vacation....and he has a pool....so the Lord has been merciful...I just need to regroup before Monday. The week ahead holds so much to do..and yet I know as I type God has not failed me yet and continues day by day to give what is needed...So I take my requests before Him and leave them at His feet~

God is Amazing!

His mercies are new every morning~ They are indeed! Great is thy faithfulness!



Sent my Gabby out to the mailbox this morning to find a card of encouragement from a dear friend....Well, guess I should back-track just a bit~ Had a phone call last week and my friend wanted to know if she could perhaps help us out by letting our community of homeschooler's know that we could use a bit of help due to my health and the medical bills that I have incurred and than with Tom's unemployment...well...you can imagine~ I had shared with her that I have always been an extremely private person but the Lord is definitely showing me that we all could use help and that I have to learn how to accept help...in the past I have always been the one to give it but accepting is a very hard thing for me....so I had shared that of course if people felt led by the Lord I would be most thankful...So jump to this morning and I get a card from her but not only a card but a five hundred dollar check for medical expenses! What an absolute blessing~ You see...I have to go to my rheumatologist and he is not covered and so each time it is one hundred and sixty-five dollars....I have missed many an appointment since Tom lost his job because we just have not had the money...But! Now I can go....God is amazing...each time I think... what are we going to do...each time I think I can't go another step...each time I feel weary and worn and completely overwhelmed...The Lord is there providing emotional and financial support....this season I am in is uncomfortable and yet I am learning that I must completely trust Him for everything and in doing this He has not failed our family~ We have a roof, and food that is plentiful , and a wonderful church family and friends that truly practice what they preach...We are blessed beyond belief~

Home~

The Lord brought Tom home safely yesterday~ through plenty of traffic and rain safely...God heard our prayers~ He did very well and will go back for one last week of driving school within the next two weeks..and than we will see where the Lord will put him. We know that He has a plan ...His perfect plan for a job for Tom..a home for our family..We need to keep our focus on the Lord and He will give us what we need~ We spent our Saturday night at church ..it was a wonderful encouraging sermon on our nations "Christian roots"....because no matter what the president says...WE ARE NOT A SECULAR NATION! OUR NATION WAS FOUNDED ON GOD BY MEN OF GOD! It is really the time for believers to rise up and stand for what is true and right...It is time for us to begin to intercede for our nation~ Let us not become so jaded and apathetic that we simply ignore the state of those around us...This could very well become the defining moment for not just our country but for our families as well as they look at us and how we respond .....what are we doing to instill our faith in our children? what do our lives say about us? Are we so busy trying to attain things that we've lost track of what's important...Are we loving and kind to our neighbor...our families...our friends...? Do our actions speak of Christs love? Life is too short to waste it by just getting by....I want to live the way God wants me to~ I want to respond in Christian love to those around me...I need to remember that people are watching...and even more than that...God is watching.

"THE SMILES OF HEAVEN CAN NEVER BE EXPECTED ON A NATION
THAT DISREGARDS THE ETERNAL RULES OF ORDER AND RIGHT, WHICH HEAVEN ITSELF HAS ORDAINED."
George Washington, Prayer at Valley Forge

Couch day~

Today is one of those....a couch day~ Last night was my treatment night and although I am praising God that I am not experiencing the side effects I have in the past...I am still feeling wiped out today. So I sit...and will spend the day resting until I take Amanda to choir practice tonight. Heard from Tom this morning and we are still not sure if he will have to spend an extra week at school or not..time will tell. He passed two tests today and failed two~ This is has been extremely hard for him as they really should have had him come in a week early to review but it is what it is and we need to just trust that the Lord will provide financially if he needs to stay the extra week. The kids are missing him and wondering where he'll end up with a job. I have to say that although I would like to stay local because of my dad's health...I am open...really open to whatever and wherever God puts us...We so need to simply be in His will~ I am ready for some peace of mind...some down time to not have to worry how we're going to provide for our family. It hasn't been an easy couple of days~ Just feeling physically tired and full of pain. There have been some very joyful moments though....I spent the day yesterday with Gabby, Emily and Haley making clay and projects...the girls always seem to cheer me up. I think I just need to rest and regroup~

Psalm 25:1-2
O Lord, I give my life to you.
I trust in you, my God!

God's provision~

We are still finishing up our school year...but we always homeschool year round because it allows us to take breaks as needed throughout the year and it allows for real life. Well, I have been looking into what we were going to do about school books for next year with our finances in the state they are in...so I contacted two publishers that I have been using throughout our homeschooling....they sent me information for scholarships for the kids! Wow~ What a blessing...Our Pastor filled out a letter this afternoon for us..so I am waiting to hear from one and I will be filling out the application for the other tomorrow. My Amanda has dyslexia so I need to use a computer program for her that reads the assignment when her eyes tire..this has been wonderful for her and she has done so well on her assignments..but I didn't know how we could get it for her~ God is good..now she will be able to have what she needs! God's provision for our family has been step by step..

Psalm 16:1-2
Keep me safe , O God
for I have come to you for refuge.
I said to the Lord, Your are my Master!
Every good thing comes from you.

God never ceases to amaze~

God never ceases to amaze me....He is new every morning~

Great is thy faithfulness...Great is thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All that I needed thy hand hath provided~

God's provision for our family is a constant reminder of how He loves and cares for everyone of us...Today a family that has blessed our family in so many ways was led by the Lord to bless our family yet again. They sent us a check for 139.46...Now you may be thinking what an odd number but I knew right away what this meant...Psalm 139 and Psalm 46...These are Psalms that the Lord has placed on my heart to encourage me through these difficult times...Now the interesting thing is I had not shared this with these friends...but God knew and He shared it! A good friend has arranged for meals for my family..she came today bright an early ready to not only deliver the meals but to fellowship and pray with me as well.....Amazing! Because the Lord knows not only that I love the company but the encouragement as well is so greatly needed. God never ceases to be a kind and loving Father too me...I got an unbelievable report from the hematologist ....no more blood clot! No more blood thinners....just an aspirin a day~ God is so gracious too me by providing a doctor who really listened to what I had to say and had a spirit of compassion..something that so many lack these days. I start back on the chemo meds tonight in order to break down my immunity that way I can get back on track and stop having these flares...so my prayer is that I will do well as in the past it does take a toll with the side effects. I am trusting that this will work and that I will be back on my feet soon. Tom is driving today on I95 through Jacksonville today. The kids and I spent time praying for him and I have tried to text him scripture and some encouraging notes. I am hoping to here from him tonight...we have already had an answer to prayer with him meeting a fellow Christian that will be his study partner. God I believe will put our family right where we need to be~

Isaiah 41:10
Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous hand.

Yard Sale Weekend~

Yard sale weekend...I got everyone up this morning at six am after going to bed with a migraine last night. So thankful though that God gave me the strength to get up! Wasn't sure if I would be able too~ Tom will be leaving on Sunday at noon for trucking school...he is a bit nervous and and very much on edge about passing this class...I can't imagine that it is easy navigating those large eighteen wheelers. I am praying that the Lord would help him not only to pass but get a job...we have been blessed by my parents and extended family helping us right now as Tom's unemployment benefits were taken away because he had to quit his blockbuster part-time job in order to go away to school...go figure...here we are trying to better our families circumstances...can't figure out this government we have...but that is a whole other story for which I could begin an endless rant...So we made three hundred dollars today..and we will be back at it tomorrow ...so much for Father's day for Tom...Perhaps we'll celebrate after his graduation. Anyone reading this post please pray for us..we are trying to get enough money this weekend in order to pay our car insurance bill and Tom's truck payment all due this week....But! I am so very thankful that the Lord enabled us to make the money we did!

Time alone~

The kids and Tom are at mom and dad's tonight...Yea! Don't get me wrong..I love my family! But it was such a busy day today...such a busy week ~ filled with doctor's appointments that I have been enjoying the quiet. I saw the internist yesterday...who agreed that I did indeed have a blood clot in my lung. Today I saw my rheumatologist who has switched my meds around and has put me back on chemotherapy..which to say the least I am not thrilled with but my immunity is so overactive that this really is the only thing that may work. Lord willing it will or he will be sending me to the University of Miami hospital for treatment. My mom would like me to go to a treatment center in Arizona but I think that this is going to be cost prohibitive. We will see~ So many feel that God will heal me and it is not that I don't want to be healed...or that I am not open to being healed; I am. But God doesn't heal everyone..for whatever reason sometimes in this life we will suffer...I do know that this illness has given me a compassion that perhaps I wouldn't have otherwise...so in many ways what was meant for bad..God has used for good. Tom will be leaving for trucking school on Monday and I will be seeing the hematologist on Tuesday to get to the bottom of the situation with the pulmonary embolism. So we will see what the Lord does ...with my health, a job for Tom and a home for our family~

Psalm 18:6
I called out to the Lord in my distress.

Matthew 10:31
Do not fear therefore;
you are of more value
than many sparrows.

Peace~

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say~
It is well...It is well with my soul

I must remember this ...I really need to cling to this sentiment during this time in my life. This is a time of many uncertainties and yet I need to remember to take it one day at a time. Moment by moment. Tom will be leaving on the 21st for school again. He shared with me it will only be for two weeks as they have credited him for the time he was there before I fell ill. I am praying that the Lord would give him the job that He wants Tom to have and that the Lord would place us where He wants our family. I hope...and pray that we would be able to stay together. But I know that we need to be open to God's perfect will. I have not been able to see my dad in a week due to being sick....now my mom has come down with it. I pray that my dad does not come down with it as his health is so very poor. I have the munchkins for the next two days as Chris finishes up her exams..I do not know yet what her new schedule will be like. I hope that I can be of help too her...though I do wish that she would get involved at church so that she would meet others that might be able to help her also due to my health issues and the possibility of a move in our future. I pray that she would once again get in the word and that she would exercises better judgement and discernment. I have shared with her my concerns but that really is all I can do ...I cannot walk out her Christian faith for her. So I pray~ It is going to be a very long day tomorrow as the kids will be here bright and early and than gone for several hours and back until ten at night. Tom , Gabby and Austie will be helping tomorrow but I will not get the rest I need in the afternoon...So I'll pray for strength. Off to bed~